Routine | The Bottom of a Bottle

So today was a return to the regular work day, back to work, with a bang so to speak.

For the second day running I was up with the alarm, no snooze button, up, changed and pounding the pavement just after 5.15. My hip still ached after yesterday and a few blisters got a little worse, but I enjoyed it once again. It’s nice to get back into my old routine, walking again, spending time thinking things through, rather than stewing on them in my quiet times. Plus as I’ve said before, I need that little bit of routine and when I walked before, I felt my days were far better balanced.

It was when I got to work, things took a strange turn, quiet often the front shutters aren’t open when I get there, today was no exception, when I went to open them, I notice it looked as though the frame of the shutters had been damaged, I certainly didn’t remember them being that way when I locked up Tuesday lunchtime. When I got inside, the first thing I asked my Boss was have we been broken into? His immediate answer was, Yes, then proceeded to show me the rest of the damaged he found in the early hours of the morning.

They had tried and failed to get through every door, before managing to get through a barred window. But the strange thing was after checking all the stock, it looks as though nothing was taken? So it’s been one of those odd days, police coming in and out, forensics and alarm engineer’s, a real strange return to work for the New Year, I suppose the damage could have been a lot worse, one of the neighbouring companies was ram raided a few weeks before Christmas!

‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’
John 16:33

So the New Year and renewed routines have started well, even if some things have been a little strange, but at least this year seems to be starting better than the last ended, I feel pretty content at the moment and quiet positive for the future!

LEARNING TO FALL by THIS BEAUTIFUL REPUBLIC
I’ve heard it said a million times
That I should hold on tight to Jesus
But I took this road
So far from home
And distance came between us
When I walked away
I knew one day I’d need your grace

So now You’ll find me on my knees
Surrendering ’cause I know that
I’m really not so strong
And now I’m done fighting for control
Lord You can have this life
That I’ve been holding for so long
I’m learning to fall
(I’m learning to fall)
Let my world crumble

You ran so fast
To rescue me
While I was barely breathing
You picked me up
You touched my face and
I began to see more clearly
Though I’m such a disgrace
You still forgave and
And your love remains

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

After almost two weeks off work, looking after the kids whilst Victoria was in Gambia, it was back to work yesterday morning and with it came a welcome return to some of my routines.

I have to say, after the stressful month or so that I had been going through, it was good to be off work and get a bit of down time and of course spend some extra time with the kids, but I am one of those people who needs a little bit of routine, it’s kept me going over the last year or so.

Over the couple of weeks I did do some extra work for the Architects, still not been paid yet, but it gave me a little bit to do during the days, rather than just stay at home alone. Most of the first week I was off I was out for a few hours at least, which just broke the days up and kept me from boredom.

But then in the second week I had two days, Tuesday and Wednesday where from dropping Eve off at school and picking her up later, I had absolutely nothing to do. That’s when I get a little bit lost, I felt so low on those two days, maybe it was boredom, maybe the feeling of being alone, maybe the memories of the lost days when I had no work and nothing to do, when I would just be waiting for the golden hour when I could indulge in my drinking habit. Unfortunately last week I found myself just lounging around, doing nothing but watch TV and waste the time away, getting lower and lower.

All the other days I had something to do and I was fine, really quite positive, but those two days with nothing to do, I was lost and low, then with that all those positive routines I had put into place of the last year were slipping a little. I forgot to take my medication on more than one occasion and only remembered later in the day! But I did take it everyday and if I am honest, despite the low days, I never had any temptation to drink, that is one thing I can say I have overcome and is absolutely not slipping!

It was good to be back work, although a little bit of shock to the system, although I’m sleeping a little better, I still wake earlier than usual and at odd times in the night, so it caught up with me yesterday, then today it’s been a twelve hour shift, with a couple of hours after work at the Architects, so I mentally tired/stressed as well as physically tired.

After Lori Mosley’s message on Sunday, I came across this song by her daughter last night and fell in love with it instantly, I can definitely relate to the lyrics and well worth a listen.

THE REASON by LACEY STURM
All my life I’ve searched for something
To satisfy the longing in my heart
But every time I’ve come away
Emptier than before

And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave You my life I’d be healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love and gave others Your place

I spent my days giving my heart away
To anything new
Only to ache from the poison
Of my temporary muse

There were times I cried myself
To sleep at night
Only to wake up
Wishing that I didn’t

Thank You for never giving up on me
When I looked to everything else and lived so selfishly
You bled, You died to be with me
Why would You do something like that for someone like me?

And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
And now I finally understand
And I gave You my life and I’m healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love that no one can replace
This is it, I won’t miss everything I am made for

To be Yours
All Yours

The Bottom of a Bottle

Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.

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