3000 Days Sober

Well at times it’s not been an easy ride, sometimes painful both physically and mentally, then sometimes it’s been easy going and fun.

From a time when the thought of getting through a night without a drink was a testing time, when even the people around me would rather I had a drink than try to go without, to now when the thought of drinking, even in the bad times seems so far away, it’s hard to believe I am the same person, only better I hope.

I guess writing this last paragraph has made think, was I better person drinking or sober back then, because it seems I was better to be around if I was drinking.  I think I know the answer and sadly I think it was probably the former.

I guess the frustration of life that led to the drinking, then became the frustration of not having that comfort zone of where the drink would take me when I wanted to escape the frustration of life.  Just a circle of frustration, day after day.

I know I would pace around, I was restless and irritable, I would take it out on those around me, not physically, but just my attitude, I would be quick tempered and my words would be nasty or rude, especially to my young kids.  Eventually the frustration led to nervously scratching at the skin on my arms, until sometimes they would bleed, this is who I became…

A man who could not deal with the frustration of life.

Then when the world around me fell apart, that’s when He came into my life, part of me I guess was trying to find a Saviour, but I believe He had over the previous four years been setting thoughts in my mind that would lead me to Him when I needed Him the most. The music I had been listening to, the people that came into my life, they all came together when I needed help the most.

And then, when I finally found myself in a position to pray and ask for help, there it was and the feeling when I knew my prayer had been answered was so joyful it began to change everything.

Life is not easy now, I still have the chest problems that have bothered me since the beginning of the year, I’m still coughing so hard I nearly pass out. Some days it maybe only be a couple of times, others it can be a couple of times an hour. On top of that the headaches that plagued me last summer have come back too, to say I am worn out is an understatement , but life could be a lost worst, I am alive, I am still kicking and I am still sober, I will keep going.

So here’s to the nest 3000 days and wherever that leads me.

SHINE ON by NEEDTOBREATHE
Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There’s a fire burning brightly
That’s found it’s way to dim
When the feeling’s gone…

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you’re not alone
Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead

Shine on shine on shine on shine on won’t you won’t you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Somewhere between the end and the point where we began

Verse of the Day – Psalm 112:1

Psalm 112:1

Some times His commands are not what we want to hear or do, it can be hard to find delight in them, but if we look back at those moments, we often see how right the Lord was, that when we carry out His commands as He wishes, there is great joy and delight to be had.

SHINE ON by NEEDTOBREATHE
Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There’s a fire burning brightly
That’s found it’s way to dim
When the feeling’s gone…

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you’re not alone
Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead

Shine on shine on shine on shine on won’t you won’t you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Somewhere between the end and the point where we began

 

Time To Shine!

Okay, so today didn’t start exactly as planned, everything seemed alright, until I got ready for work after a shower, in fact it was going well, but then my watch strap snapped!

So not a big deal in the scheme of things in all honesty, but I do feel a little naked without my watch on.  I always keep it a few minutes fast.  The hands all always five minutes fast and the digital time about two minutes fast!

Why?

So I don’t like being late!  As someone who has managed to get to the age of 40 without ever getting behind a wheel and learning to drive (although I can now drive a folklift truck), I’ve never even applied for a driving license or taken a lesson, but that’s another story.  But walking everywhere can take longer than expected, it’s not so bad on journeys I do often, I know exactly what time I can walk it in, but other times I’ve no idea.

So if I’m in a rush and I glance at my watch, my mind just sees the time and I speed up, I still get there early if I arrive on time according to my watch.  I know, it’s a bit weird, but makes perfect sense to my crazy mind!

So all day at work I’ve not had a clue what time it was, all the computers have random times on the screens, we reset them, but they always end up at a random time.  The amount of times I’ve glanced at my wrist today, just to see nothing!  I’ve been a little lost!

So this morning as I walked to work, I had a reminder that I could easily sort this out without resorting to buying a new watch, that I really can’t afford at the moment!  There is another watch, exactly the same as mine, with a perfect strap, even the watch is working, I could just use that one, easy, problem solved!

But then another part of my mind sprung into action and yelled “NO WAY!!!” 

You see this watch was carefully placed in a box on Sunday 25^th March 2012, 772 days ago, just four days before I quit drinking!

The Box

This box formed a major step in starting my recovery, on that I day I placed in that box everything that tied me to the wine drinking slob that lived in my skin for a while, that watch was one of those things.  The strap stunk of stale alcohol, like many of the things placed in that box, I purchased a watch exactly the same that very day and placed the old one, that was part of a life I wanted to put behind me, in that box with the rest of my old life.

So this morning I was faced with the choice, do I revisit that box and that old life to reclaim part of those memories for inclusion with the life I lead now or do I leave that gathering dust where it is and go without for a while, until the opportunity to replace it comes along.

It was fairly simple really, despite feeling that little bit lost without a watch, I’ll get by, I don’t need to visit a part of me that is no longer living, I have been living a new life since that box has been in the cellar gathering dust and grime.

I don’t need anything covered with dust and dirt, I’VE BEEN CALLED TO SHINE!!!

SHINE ON by NEEDTOBREATHE
Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There’s a fire burning brightly
That’s found it’s way to dim
When the feeling’s gone…

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you’re not alone

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead

Shine on shine on shine on shine on won’t you won’t you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Somewhere between the end and the point where we began