Tag Archives: Sixx AM

Avoiding Accidents

I’ve made no secret of how much music plays a major part in my life, although I play no instruments and sing only to traumatise rabbits on my walks into the wilderness, I have rarely gone anywhere alone in the last twenty odd years without headphones in my ears.  Over the years tastes change and songs rise and fall in popularity on my playlist.

About four years ago ,when I first got an iPod, there was one song I listened to that became one of the most popular on my playlist, in fact at was the most listen to song on my playlist at one point, but it’s the content of the song which now intrigues me somewhat.

The song was written by Nikki Sixx, former Motley Crue bassist, from the album The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack, which was based on Nikki’s his autobiography The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star, which details his journey into heroin abuse from December 1986 to December 1987.

The song chronicles his fall back into using after a period of abstinence from heroin, starting with the echoing words, “Don’t Give Up”.

At the point in my life when I discovered the song I was beginning to drink more and more, although life hadn’t fallen apart at that time, things at home were good, very good in fact and work was still ok, I wasn’t in my own private hell at that time, but it wouldn’t be long until I reached that horizon and started to fall over the edge.

But I loved this song, why?  I don’t honestly know, yes it’s a great song, with great lyrics, but I wasn’t struggling at that point, but the song etched itself into my mind.

Did this song pre-empt my future struggles?

To be honest, I don’t know, but I was drawn to it.

By design?

I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to think it was.

As my life began to slip from my grasp and my descent into my addiction began to take hold, I abandoned the song, my conscience seemed to tell me not to listen to it, I never removed it from my playlist, but I would skip it and avoid listening to it!

My addiction had control and seemed to want me to avoid anything that may come between me and this torrid love affair with my alcohol addiction, the message of this song was one my addiction didn’t seem to want me to hear.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been going through some of the songs on my iPod that I haven’t listened to in sometime, this one came up on the list and took my by surprise.

It played again on my iPod the other morning, as I walked by the lake on the way to work, it made me think why I subconsciously moved away from the song, why I avoided listening to it, why, when the message of the song is so vivid did I not want to hear it?

Addiction is a powerful thing, it really is amazing to see what lengths people will go to protect their addiction and also to feed their addiction.  In the back of your mind you know it’s wrong, you know you’ve got to snap out of it, but the addiction seems to be stronger than the will, the will to escape is smothered when we try on our own.

I honestly believe it is possible to escape from addiction by your own free will, but I didn’t have it, I was slipping on my own.  I found the will power to make that call to Gareth, I started the process of overcoming, but even then there was an urge to throw the phone away, to just delete the number, to runaway from it all again, but I at least found the strength to make that call and start a process of fighting my addiction.

I couldn’t have made those first steps to recovery without that phone call, the subsequent meeting Gareth and Alex, then the wonderful friends at Everyday Champions Church that have been by my side through this fight, but more importantly that phone call to Gareth brought God into my life.

Through prayer I found the strength to start the resistance, to begin the fight, to take those first steps out into the light, to climb from the bottom of that wretched bottle and start to breathe again, to live again.

Don’t worry about me, I certainly haven’t fallen of the wagon, I still firmly on it, I may slip back into my own mind and suffer for it, but I have the strength now at least to avoid the need to rush to shop to find my escape from the despair, I’ve found away beyond that now.  Yes I have low days, but through prayer and the friends I now have surrounding me, I don’t need to slip into my bottle to find a way out anymore.

I don’t intend to fall of this wagon, I’m on this wagon for the ride and I’m not getting off, but there is plenty of room on here for anyone that wants to join me.

Lyrics:
Don’t give up
It takes a while
I have seen this look before 

It’s alright
You’re not alone
If you don’t love this anymore

I hear that you slipped again
I’m here cause i know you’ll need a friend

You know that accidents can happen
And it’s ok, we all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away

Take some time
Learn to breath
And remember what it means

To feel alive
To believe
There’s something more than what you see

I know there’s a price for this
But some things in life you must resist

You know that accidents can happen
And it’s ok, we all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away

Don’t give up
It takes a while
(Accidents Can Happen by Sixx AM)