Tag Archives: SoberDays

Drinking Dreams

I had another dream about drinking last night, it seems so long since I had one, yet this was different, not like the others.

Usually they take the form of me drinking something and the realising what I have done, usually at that point I wake from the dream in a deep sense of panic and guilt, not knowing if it was real or indeed just a dream.  There I scan the room for any evidence, a bottle or a can, when I find nothing and eventually convince myself it was just another dream, I attempt to get back to sleep, hoping the dream or should I say nightmare doesn’t return.

Last night was different, I didn’t see myself drink, there actually was no evidence of any drink in the dream at all. I seemed to believe that at some point I had drank something by mistake, I don’t know how, that wasn’t revealed, but in the dream I was convinced I had and I was trying to reason with myself if I was okay with that or not.

In the dream there wasn’t a sense of panic or guilt, I hadn’t drank purposely, it had happened by accident or at least that’s what I understood had happened. But I seemed to reach no conclusion as to whether I was okay with it. The dilemma seemed to hinge on whether I could keep counting my SoberDays or if I should start again, counting once more from day one!

Obviously in the dream I woke before I reached a conclusion. I woke with no sense of guilt or panic like before. Just intrigue as to how I would feel if that actually happened, if I innocently drank alcohol by mistake, how would I feel?

I’m pretty sure I would be angry, especially if it was avoidable and a mistake on someone else’s part. If someone had done it as a deliberate trick, I’m sure I would be livid, I don’t think I would be in any mind to forgive them, even though I know I should, that’s one of the reasons I avoid nights out with work colleagues and people I don’t know so well, not that I don’t trust them, but I just don’t want to take the chance of it happening.

I guess the real question is would I see this as falling off the wagon, in the dream it appeared to be just a sip or a glass of something, not a continuation of drinking until I was drunk, just that one drink. Would I see this as a reason to stop counting, if I kept counting would I feel I was cheating?

I honestly don’t know how I would take it, should the scenario arise.  I guess if it does, then I’ll find out then for sure.

But for now I keep counting, currently SoberDay 1208.

I love this song, I was a fan of it years before I realised I had a problem, I listened to it earlier today, maybe the answer to my question is in the lyrics.

ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN by SIXX A.M.
Don’t give up, it takes a while
I have seen this look before
And it’s alright
You’re not alone
If you don’t love this anymore
I hear that you’ve slipped again
I’m here ’cause I know you’ll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it’s okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away.

Take some time and learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive
And to believe
Something more than what you see
I know there’s a price for this
But some things in life you must resist

And you know that accidents can happen
And it’s okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away.

I hear that you’ve slipped again
I’m here ’cause I know you’ll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it’s okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away.

You know that accidents can happen
And it’s okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It’s not your whole life
It’s only one day
You haven’t thrown everything away.

So don’t give up
It takes a while.

SoberDay 950…

It’s here, another one of those little milestones, one of those little steps I look forward to completing, making yet another milestone is a big part of what keeps me going.

These first 950 days have had their ups and downs, but I have to say, there have been more ups than downs, but regardless of days being good or bad, I know that the God that set me free has never left my side.

Although in those dark days towards the end of last year, there were some pretty tough times where I came close to giving in, but none of that is anywhere close to the darkness that I hid within before the light came.

Now I set my sights on the next milestone, 1000 days, which falls upon Christmas Eve, couldn’t think of a better day to celebrate.

THANK YOU by JAKE HAMILTON & KIM WALKER-SMITH
Thank you for the summer.
Thank you for the rain.
And thank you for the pleasure.
Thank you for the pain.
And thank you for the flowers that bloom in early May.
And thank you for the winter that washes fall away.

I want to say thank you.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for it all.

Thank you for the deserts, thank you for the trees.
Thank you for the failures and for the victories.
Thank you for the pruning that gives me room to grow.
Thank you for the seasons where I learn to reap and sow.

I want to say thank you.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for it all.

So come let us worship, let us a release a joyful sound.
Let us enter his presence.
Let us all bow down.
Let us enter his presence.
Let us all bow down.

SoberDay 746

Okay, so if you have been a regular follower of mine for some time, you will know that I count every day of sobriety and indeed passing every week, you will also know that I hold my own little celebrations at significant milestone, 1 year, 2 years, 500 days, 600 days, etc, etc.  If you’re new to this site, then okay I can be a little weird from time to time also!

Psalm 90:12

Psalm 90:12

So that fact that today is SoberDay 746 doesn’t really seem that significant, but I’ve looked at the days ahead and I’m being to see something more than coincidence with my date of Sobriety, the 29th March 2012, just a normal Thursday, nothing special, just another day.

Then last year my one year anniversary just so happened to fall on a Friday, Good Friday, coincidence? Maybe! I thought so at the time anyway.  But it was a great day and a great way to celebrate.

But then earlier today, I worked out that my 750th SoberDay would fall on this coming Friday, Good Friday, another coincidence?  Maybe, but then again my 1000th SoberDay will fall on Christmas Eve, now I’m being to think differently.

Psalm 139:16

Psalm 139:16

So was Thursday 29th March 2012, just a normal day, when a troubled soul, just randomly decided to give up an addiction that had wrecked his life?

I’m beginning to think not, it wasn’t just a random day at all!

 So Friday will be a great day of celebration, once again in more than just one way and I for one can’t wait!

BLINK by REVIVE
Teach me to number my days 
And count every moment before it slips away 
Take in all the colors before they fade to gray 
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this 

It happens in a blink 
It happens in a flash 
It happens in the time it took to look back 
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time 
What is it I’ve done with my life 
It happens in a blink (x2)

When it’s all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink 
It happens in a flash 
It happens in the time it took to look back 
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time 
What is it I’ve done with my life 
It happens in a blink (x4)

Slow down, slow down 
Before today becomes our yesterday 
Slow down, slow down 
Before you turn around and it’s too late 

It happens in a blink 
it happens in a flash 
it happens in the time it took to look back 
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time 
What is it I’ve done with my life 
It happens in a blink

It happens in a blink 
it happens in a flash 
it happens in the time it took to look back 
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time 
What is it I’ve done with my life 
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink 
It happens in a blink 
It happens in a blink 

Late Presents – Someone’s Been Reading My Blog

My good friend and student Nick greeted me at karate this evening with a big smile and a carrier bag. He apologised for it being a little late, but happy birthday!

Birthday Drinks

Birthday Drinks

Well as you can see he’s been reading my Blog, so I responded with:

“Thank you, but you read too much!”

He replied by saying that he had to do something when he was on the bus in the morning.

It was a nice gesture from a good friend, great student and fellow Church family member.

So I can celebrate 257 SoberDays today with a choice, Pepsi Max or Lime N Soda, oh choices, choices!

The only problem is I ate the last of the Ferrero Rochers  that I received from another student yesterday, oh well.

This morning as I walked it was frosty, very frosty, the ground was white over, but no snow, not yet, this song came on my iPod, it doesn;t really fit the post, but i like it anyway.

“Throw myself back into the ocean, and I’ve lived to tell the tale
Throw myself back into the ocean, but it wouldn’t take me back
No it wouldn’t take me back”
 (Into The Ocean by Quietdrive)

I tried my hand at a bit of poetry earlier today, but at this moment I don’t feel ready to post it, not feeling too confident with it, but we’ll see.