Tag Archives: Stress

The Story So Far – Chapter 21 – Washed Away

CHAPTER 21 – WASHED AWAY

By the middle of October 2013 I was really on an emotional roller coaster, walking was sporadic, I would get out for the odd day, but there was no real frequency, when I walked it helped, but it became less and less.  I tried to get out, but it was hard work.

One Sunday afternoon, in early October, I came home from Church to an empty house as usual.  I was used to that, I would make some dinner, maybe have a quick nap, then get ready and go out to karate to teach for a couple of hours, it was my normal Sunday afternoon routine.

When I got home I remember walking into the front room and just sitting down and then experiencing something I had never experienced before.

Sometimes when I pray, I make my prayers and then just sit and wait quietly, saying nothing, just clearing my mind and waiting for God to speak.  Quite often in these times I will get visions which relate to the prayers I have made.  Sometimes I can identify them and decipher their meaning.  At other times I’m not sure what they actually mean and over the next few days I pray about them, hoping for further visions or a feeling that will explain their meaning to me.  This happens quite regularly and even when I am praying with friends, I will often see things that relate to the prayers others are making and I share what I see.

But on this Sunday afternoon it was completely different.  This was a type of vision I had never experienced before.  Images in my prayers was one thing and the “day dreams” I experienced in the lead up to helping a young girl who was self harming was another, but this was like I was seeing something play out on a TV or projector screen in front of me.

Before me I saw a scene of a pathway, in the pathway there were a number of steps and just beyond the steps, the pathway disappeared to the left behind some bushes.  Then I saw myself begin to walk along the pathway and start to walk up the handful of steps.  Just as I started up the steps, from around the bend ahead, a sudden rush of water came around the corner ahead and down the path towards me.  The deluge swept me down the steps and out of view.  After a few moments I came back into view trying once more to walk up the steps as the water kept flowing, but once again, as I walked up the steps, the tide became stronger and washed me away once more.

Then as quickly as it came, the vision disappeared entirely.

Never before I had I experienced anything like this and I didn’t know anyone else who had ever said they had seen visions this way.  I know there are many occasions in the Bible where various people experience visions from God in this way, but this was new to me and I didn’t know what to do or what it meant.

I sat there for a while trying to take in what I had just seen and doing my best to work out how that related to me.  I knew I was in a little bit of a hole, I was beginning to struggle with a few things, there were a few situations that were weighing me down, but it was a little bit of an up and down journey at that time, one day I would be fine and really up and the next something would happen that would put a downer on things and I would begin to stew on them and not let them go.  But I never felt like I was going to be washed away by anything.  I knew life was becoming a bit of a struggle, but this seemed like something drastic was going to happen.

I prayed on this, but didn’t feel like I was getting the answers to the questions I was asking.  In fairness, I’m not really sure I was asking the right questions, yes I was not finding this recovery easy at times, but I didn’t feel like there was anything that I couldn’t overcome, I felt I had to be careful, but other than that I didn’t really understand what I had seen.  After a few days I put it out of my mind and just carried on as usual.

Then on one Sunday at the end of October I was on camera during a preach by one of our Pastor’s.  This particular preach was on relationships and the longer it went on, the more it began it affect me.  My relationship had disintegrated as a consequence of my drinking, of all those wrong decisions and selfish actions.  I knew this and had to live with it.  It makes it harder because although separated, we still live in the same house and no matter how much I try to put it out of my mind, I still long for her and pray regularly for something to happen that will bring us back together.  I never stopped loving her, I just stopped loving myself, I couldn’t help what I was doing when I was drinking, I had no control , I let things go the way they did and now I had to live with the consequences.

So the more I listened to this preach, which don’t get me wrong, was a great preach, but for me it brought back so many feelings or remorse and even self hatred.  There were times during the preach that I felt I couldn’t stand there anymore, I wanted to turned around to the A.V. booth behind me and ask someone to take over, but I didn’t I managed to keep going and finish the camerawork at the end of the preach.  After that I kept myself to myself as I packed away quietly and made my exit from Church without anyone really noticing, just so I didn’t have to speak to anyone and explain what was going on in my head,  my mind was running at such a pace, running through all the things I did wrong and feeling that now I only have myself to blame, I knew that and come to terms with that well before now and learned to live with it, but now it was all running through my head once again, the last time it felt this bad was on the day I wanted to end my life, that day way back in March 2012, now eighteen months later it was all back, all the self hatred and anger for my actions, I just had to get out and find some space.

I sat at home for a while that afternoon, but things weren’t getting any better, I was lost in my head once again, this time just deeper than I had been for such a long time.  In the end I got myself up and took myself into town, to the Alpha Course meeting that my Church were running in one of the coffee shops in the town centre.

I sat there quietly listening for a while, eventually Steve from my A.V. Team joined me, I spoke with him for a while, I briefly explained how I felt, not in any great detail, Steve’s also in my Connect Group, so he knows my situation, he didn’t pry, he just let me talk, which was helping to lift some of the burden from my shoulders.

By the time I got home, I was feeling a lot better and spent the evening watching the TV with my kids and with my daughter keeping me entertained.  She has a great knack for being the entertainment in my life when I am down, she seems to sense that I need cheering up and just gets on with it, I’m thankful for that sometimes.

As October drew to a close, I was still struggling, it was fast approaching the men’s Unleash weekend getaway.  The Friday morning before we were due to go away, I took a quick walk down to the lake and prayed as I walked, I had this distinct feeling that I was being told by God that if I couldn’t actually tell him what was really troubling me then I should do what I do best, write it down in a poem.

So when I came back home I wrote out a poem called My Prayer…

MY PRAYER
How could I come so far

Yet feel I’ve traveled so little
I know You’re with me Lord
But I’m feeling so empty inside
Like a cup poured out upon the floor
In desperate need of filling up

This pain is breaking me down
My mind it holds me prisoner
I know You can ease the hurting
So why am I feeling so broken Lord?
Like a heart that’s been smashed
Into a million tiny & fragile pieces

I’ve been worn down by this time
I can barely stand again to fight
You’ve given me strength from the first day
Only I’m feeling so very tired
Like a distant star that’s lost it’s shine

I have so much support around me
Great people there to hold me up
I’m standing at centre of their love
So how do I feel so very alone
Like driftwood floating between homes

I’m barely holding on to my spirit
Clutching at the hope You hold
But the embers internal are slowly fading
I just need to find the breakthrough
Just a tiny spark to ignite the fire

Is it that my mind is winning
The voice inside overcomes the heart
Eroding my patience, testing resolve
Give me patience for Your promise
Just a sign to illuminate the way

I feel so small, yet You make me great
I feel so low, yet You let me fly
I feel so weak, yet You give me strength
I’ve lost my way, yet You show the way
I feel so isolated, yet You hold me in Your Kingdom

I need You Lord, I need You Lord

That pretty much summed up how I felt at that time, I felt lost and that I was losing my way.  I knew God was there, I was still holding onto Him, I had all these friends around me, but I couldn’t really reach out to them either, I was really in a bit of a rut, was I being washed away?  At this time I don’t think so, but I firmly believe I was just starting up those steps that I had seen in my vision, but as yet I don’t think the waters had reached me.

That night we had the first meeting at the Unleash weekend and followed it with a midnight game of five a side football, well actually it was more like ten a side in a very small place, very physical, but really fun.

I went to bed that night, but couldn’t sleep, I lay there awake, wondering what this week was going to bring, I knew I was struggling, I may have shared the “My Prayer” poem on my blog that morning, but I still wasn’t in the position where I was ready to share my problems, then it happened again.

As I lay there, for the second and so far last time, I had another vision that played out like a film in front of me.

This time I was sat on the side of a harbour, it looked like I was fishing, when all of sudden something had taken the end of my line and I was dragged below the water, then a few moments later, in the distance a great whale rose out of the water and splashed back down again, then disappeared below the water.

Once again I didn’t really understand what it was I was seeing or what it meant to me.  So I grabbed my phone, open my Bible app and went straight to the book of Jonah.  I read the whole book that evening and the lay there trying to piece it all together, what I had seen a few weeks before, what had happened over the last few weeks and what I had just witnessed.

I came to the conclusion that I was going to be facing something that could completely wash me away, I could be wiped out from it, but also after reading from Jonah, that I wasn’t to run away and hide from where God wanted me to be.  I believed that being at this getaway was exactly where I needed to be, but I had to start opening up and talking with people, I couldn’t keep this all in or it would wipe me off my feet, I had to start sharing what I was going through.

I hardly slept that night, when I went down for breakfast, I was sat at the same table as Gareth, our Senior Pastor, I explained to him what I had seen and what I felt I was being told.  He agreed that I needed to talk to people, I needed to share what was going in my life and not be afraid to open up and let people know how I felt.

As the day went one I spoke with a number of people about how I felt, including Paul, my Connect Group leader, I asked if I could maybe go a little earlier on Wednesday evening and chat with both Sarah and him, to which he agreed.  It wasn’t a great day in all honesty, I was still struggling and there were a few tears, but I knew what I had to do, whether I could keep doing it, keep being open was another thing.

The next morning I was back at Church and spoke with Paul again, he said he had spoken with Sarah and if I needed to talk, they would be happy for me to come around that evening and talk about whatever I needed to.

So that night I went to their house and told them exactly how I felt about everything.  They were great listeners and really helped me that evening.  By the time I got home I felt renewed, felt like I was being the process of fighting whatever it was I was to face.  For the first time in weeks I felt happy and content, like a great weight had been lifted.

For the next few days, things seemed to okay, but it wouldn’t last long, now I could see the water fast approaching.

FIGHTING FOR AIR by A ROAD LESS TRAVELED
Suffocation comes over me
A numbness occurs
As I try to breathe
I’m fighting for air again
I’ve gone too far down
I need a reason to live

When I’ve been struck down
I hear you whisper to me
I’m breathing into you
Get up and taste the air
And take a breath again

I’m fighting for air again
I’ve gone too far down
I need a reason to live
When I’ve been struck down

I’m fighting for air again
I’ve gone too far down
I need a reason to live
When I’ve been struck down

I’m fighting for air again
I’ve gone too far down
I need a reason to live
When I’ve been struck down

Yeah, Yeah
I’m fighting for air
I’m fighting for air
I’m fighting for air

The Story So Far – Chapter 6 – The Meeting

CHAPTER 6 – THE MEETING

I wasn’t working that day, I had a little bit of work to do at home and then in the afternoon I had to drop into the Architect’s for a couple of hours.

But I had hatched a plan, I knew Gareth had been away the previous week, but I knew the most important thing I had to do was to call him.  I decided I would give him a few minutes to get in the office, but not long enough that he would be busy with other things when I rang, I decided to ring at exactly 9.10am.  Victoria left with the kids for school and I began pacing the house, restless, nervous, frightened, afraid, I had my phone in my hand, the number there ready to dial and now I was just waiting for the minutes to pass by, until they reached 9.10, it seemed like an eternity.  I sat at the top of the stairs, I was shaking, I was uncontrollably shaking, I was so nervous, I didn’t know if he was going to answer, I didn’t know what I was going to say, all I knew is that I had to make that phone call, I had told Victoria I would call, I had to do it, there was no going back, this wasn’t for her anymore, this was for me, I needed help and I don’t know why, but deep inside something told me it was Gareth that I needed to speak to.

I still to this day don’t know where the courage came from to press that call button, while I sat there waiting there were so many times, I want to just put my phone down and walk away, maybe it was the shame of it all or maybe I didn’t want to stop drinking, maybe the demon inside was fighting back, maybe it sensed that I was putting up a fight now, but when 9.10am came, I pressed the button and the phone began ringing.  I’m not sure whether I ever expected him to answer, I tend not to answer number’s I don’t recognise, I tend to let them go to answer phone and if they leave a message, I call them back, maybe he did the same, these days you get so many cold calls, if you answered everyone you would never get anything done.  If it did go to answer phone, would I leave a message?  I hadn’t prepared for that, but thankfully he answered.

I said hello and then preceded to try to explain to him who I was.  I had known him only through Victoria, how could I explain who I was, if I just said Wayne, he would probably never know who I was, even though he had been told I wanted to speak with him, he’s a busy man, I could be anybody.  So I started to say “hi, it’s Wayne, Victoria’s partner”, that was the only way I could think of to describe who I was, that was how he knew me, it made sense, but I couldn’t say it.  I got has far “hi, it’s Wayne, Vic…….” then I broke down into tears.

Suddenly I realised I wasn’t that anymore, I had somehow lost my identity, who was I anymore, I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror, I was this mess of a man, who had lost control of his life and lost himself along the way, this moment brought everything crashing down around me and all I could do was cry.

Thankfully Gareth was very calming, he understood who I was and gave me a moment to compose myself, he asked how I was doing, to which I managed to reply “not very well” before breaking into even more uncontrollable floods of tears.  Straight away he seemed to understand I needed help and offered to meet, I composed myself and said I needed help sooner rather than later, he offered to meet that very evening, he would come around to see me, he would check with his wife to make sure she had nothing planned and call me back later to confirm.

As soon as I put the phone down I knew I had done the right thing, I knew I had to sort myself out.  I immediately jumped in the shower, shaved for what seemed the first time in ages and went into town to buy things like new underwear and toiletries.  This may seem a bit odd, but to be honest I had let myself go badly over the last few years.  I used to shave every day, but that had become a chore, so I let myself go unshaved for weeks, until it became itchy, then I would shave it off and then let it grow back.  I rarely showered, I would have a bath a couple of times a week, but that was it, mainly if I wasn’t working I would lounge around in the same clothes for days, if I needed drink from the shop, I would put a tracksuit over what I was wearing, go to the shop and the comeback, take off the tracksuit and carry on.  All my underwear was worn out, socks and underpants were full of holes, I know Gareth wasn’t going to see them, but this was the start of a new me, this day was the start of me getting my life back in order and looking after myself.  I always used to style my hair, over the last few years I couldn’t even be bothered doing that, I just watered it and flattened it to my head, I never liked it like that, but I couldn’t be bothered doing anything with it anymore, this morning I started doing my hair once again, I wanted to start putting distance between myself and that lazy alcoholic good for nothing slob I had become.

After I had been in town and tidied myself up a bit, I went out to the Architect’s for a few hours, it seemed to drag on little longer than I wanted, I remember panicking a little bit, I know I couldn’t mess up this evening, this was the most import thing I had to do, this was all about sorting my life out, this was getting help and getting well, this was about saving a life, mine!  As I left the office and walked home, Gareth rang and confirmed our meeting, he also asked if he could bring someone with him, it was someone from Church, but someone I knew, I had known his family for many years and also knew that his family had been torn apart by alcoholism too, I agreed to this, it didn’t matter, I just needed someone to talk to.

Victoria was going out that night, when I got home she knew about my meeting, she had actually gone to Gareth and checked that I had called him, I not sure she trusted that I would, but she knew I needed help and she knew that this was the place to start.

Usually when Victoria was going out, I would make a run to the shop, I had to get my provisions for the night, she knew I had to drink by then and she knew that I never actually got drunk and the kids would be okay, so this evening she asked me if I needed to go to the shop before she went out, meaning did I need to get any alcohol.

I was absolutely horrified, I couldn’t believe she had asked me that, I responding with “why are we out of coffee?”  I just couldn’t believe it, I knew that this evening I couldn’t get it wrong, there was no way I was drinking this evening, this was about me getting help and there was no way I was going to drink in front of a Pastor, not tonight anyway.  I remember telling her how afraid I was, she told me there was nothing to be afraid of and there was no need to be afraid of them, I remember biting back with “I’m not afraid of them, I’m afraid of me!”

So Victoria went out and the kids were told to stay quietly in the bedroom, while I sat there waiting once more for the minutes to pass by, once again I began to shake and the nervousness took over.

I watched through the curtains as they pulled up and went to the back door to meet them, they came into my front room and both sat on the settee opposite mine, I sat there, nervous, afraid.

From the start Gareth made it clear that he wasn’t here to preach to me, he was here to listen and find out what it was that was needed for me to get the help required.  He started by asking about my drinking.  I told him as much as I could, I have to say that I honestly didn’t lie to him, I told him as much as I could, the sad fact was that as I was hiding the truth from myself, it was only over the next few weeks and many conversations with various people about my drinking, that I finally got to the truth about how much I was drinking, which was far more than I told Gareth, as I say I never consciously lied to him, I just didn’t know the truth myself.

As I spoke I continually broke down in tears, I’ve never cried so much in so short a time.  I seemed to get it together for a while, only to start speaking again and then start crying along with it, I must have looked like a complete and utter mess, in truth I was a complete and utter mess and this night it was all finally beginning to come out into the open.  One of the things I remember the most was each time I broke down, I could see the pain reflected in Gareth’s face and Alex’s also, I could see it was painful to watch, this guy who everyone thought had it all together was coming apart at the seams before their eyes.

I tried to be as honest as possible, the truth was as I say, that most of what was going on I had buried so deep it was hard to admit it to myself, never mind admit it to anyone else.  But as the night went along, I felt a weight being lifted, I felt that the more I spoke and the more I admitted, the less pain I carried in my heart.

As the night went on Gareth mentioned God and how great life can be with Jesus in it, but that was my choice if I wanted it.  He mentioned one thing from the Bible, which was the story of the Jesus calming the storm after the Disciples had panicked, he said that was what I needed in my life, someone to calm my storm.  He offered to pray for me, which I agreed to, I don’t remember anything he said in the prayer, I just sat there with my head in my hands, quietly sobbing into my fingers.

We talked about Church, Gareth said if I felt like I wanted to come, then I should just let them know, I could just sit quietly at the back if I wanted.  There was no pressure, he never tried to preach to me, he made a lot of good suggestions to help me.  I told him how I felt after speaking with him that morning, that I felt I needed to put so many things right and that I had already started the process.

After they had left I felt so encouraged, I felt I was ready to start fighting back against this addiction, at no point that evening had I felt like drinking, the third of a bottle was still where I left it that morning, it was still over the fridge, but I felt after a night of tears and sobbing that there was a peace over me, for a while at least.

WALLS by THE ROCKET SUMMER
The story of my life I can’t quite comprehend.
Don’t tell me if you know how it ends.
When everywhere you go feels like a mirror maze,
And you’re not sure how you’re stuck in this place…

And you got nowhere else to go
And you’re lost within your own home,
And you’re trying so hard to win,
You keep trying, it’s embarrassing.
And how you don’t even know,
But you know you’re off the tracks…
And how did you get in here?
Thinking how did I get in here?

I’ll help you break the walls down.
I’ll help you break the walls down…
Bust you out, and take you home,
Believe you me you are not alone,
I’ll help you break the walls down.

Does anybody know where February went?
I was hoping that by not it would be the end of this:
When you open up a book and read a thousand lines,
But you don’t really read you just move your eyes.

And you got nowhere else to go
And you’re lost within your own home,
And you’re trying so hard to win,
You keep trying, it’s embarrassing.
And how you don’t even know,
But you know you’re off the tracks…
And how did you get in here?
Thinking how did I get in here?

I’ll help you break the walls down.
I’ll help you break the walls down…
Bust you out, and take you home,
Believe you me you are not alone,
I’ll help you break the walls down.

And I know this is random
But just this morning I saw
The sun reflecting off the lawn and window,
Oh I don’t know why but I thought you should know.

When you got nowhere else to go
And you’re lost within your own home,
And you’re trying so hard to win,
You keep trying, it’s embarrassing.
And how you don’t even know,
But you know you’re off the tracks…
And how did you get in here?
Thinking how did I get in here?

I’ll help you break the walls down.
I’ll help you break the walls down…
Bust you out, and take you home,
Believe you me you are not alone,
I’ll help you break the walls down.

And all the weight,
You carry,
Will disappear,
And I will willingly,
Embrace you so,
You lay your head.
So come on home,
Come on home,
Come on home,

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, But The Truth Is….

…I’m Not Okay

I guess I’m just having one of those days or should I say weekends, things haven’t turned out quite as planned, which has caused a few problems, all that over the one day I really struggle with.

Over the last two days I’ve been okay when my mind has been busy working, like yesterday morning and this afternoon, but in the quiet times and when I’m alone, I must admit my mind is all a bit of a mess, indeed I feel detached from everything and have been on the verge of tears so many times.

This morning at Church I kept saying I was fine or okay or not too bad when asked, when in reality I was anything but, truthfully I was struggling but just didn’t want to admit it.  I did speak with a friend at the end of the service and explained things in simple terms to him, I told him I was fed up with lying to everyone, I’m not okay, but I don’t really want to talk about it.

I’m having a real problem dealing with Valentines Day, it’s stark reminder of how much I messed up, it’s everywhere you look, pictures of what people have done for the ones they love, yet I’m here alone and a mess, it just gets a bit tough to deal with.

I’m sure over this next week, this will all pass, after all I’ve not felt this low since I started taking anti-depressants about sixteen months ago, since I’ve been off the medication I’ve been okay, this is the first time I’ve seriously struggled, but I have a strong feeling that it will pass this time.

ALRIGHT MY FRIEND by DECEMBERADIO
All your dreams are fading to nothing fading to nothing
Complacency is killing you slowly taking you over

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Silently, I hear you crying
There’s no use in fighting
Promises, that fade like the sunset
With nothing but regret

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Stand up and dry your eyes
So not be ashamed there’s better days ahead
Sorrow will pass away
There’s hope for you and me written in the red

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Take Heart

Take Heart (Psalm 31:24)

I know that you hear
The Lord’s voice is calling
Be free of your fear
Be safe in His embrace
Now in the Lord be strong
And from the Lord take heart
Place your trust within Him
And forever be free

(Part 7 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

Psalm 31:24

Psalm 31:24

Who Am I

Who Am I (1 Peter 2:9)

Who am I that I should be lifted
Saved and resurrected
Who am I that I should live
In freedom and in grace
Who am I that He should answer
A sinner’s cry and call
Who am I that He should care
Or embrace me and love me

You are His
A Father’s child
Precious and treasured
Loved and adored
You are His
And He cares for you
He loves you
He wants you
He’s waiting for you
Simply You are His

(Part 6 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

1 Peter 2:9

1 Peter 2:9

Pathways

Pathways (Hosea 14:9)

Set aside your pride
Let go of all your pain
There is a path for you
For The Lord’s ways are right
Just close your eyes
And follow the path
That He has laid out for you
Trust in His ways
And never stumble again

(Part 5 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

Hosea 14:9

Hosea 14:9

 

Fall Into Refuge

Fall Into Refuge (Nahum 1:7)

WE feel your pain
It shines within the tears upon your face
Don’t be afraid to let them fall
Never be afraid to cry my friend
The Father cries with each one that falls
He knows your pain
And He wants you to know this day
He is here beside and He never leaves
In this time let Him be your refuge
In your moments of trouble he will be your shelter
Just trust in Him for the Lord is good
Then fall into Him and let Him care for you

(Part 4 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

Nahum 1:7

Nahum 1:7

I Call Out

I Call Out (James 5:13)

These troubles are deep
This weight I can no longer carry
There’s no holding it anymore

What if I call to the Lord
What if I pray for life
What then will I find

Will I sing once again
Will I ever feel your Joy
Will I find my peace

(Part 3 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

James 5:13

James 5:13

He Awaits

He Awaits (Philippians 4:19)

Keep holding on my friend
I know you’re feeling lost
And taste rejection from this world
But there is a Kingdom waiting
Where the Father in Heaven awaits
With arms of grace and mercy
He holds all that you need
To climb from these depths
To walk free from your barren lands
From where the darkness holds you
Let Him be your light
In the darkest of nights
Call to Him and He will answer
Cry out to Him
For the Father’s love awaits

(Part 2 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

Philippians 4: 19

Philippians 4: 19

Lost To The World

Lost To The World (Isaiah 44:3)

How did I get to this?
Where did I go wrong?
When did I let go?
What hope do I now hold?

Why does this world keep me?
What is there left I can give?
Does this world really need me?
Why is it too much for me to live?

In barren lands I find myself
Face to the dust here I cry
The only water here are my tears
Is there any escape from here?

Hold on tight me friend
The Lord will bring water to dry lands
He rescues the lost and His children from pain
And He can raise you from your depths
Just hold on tight with all you have left
For there is more in you than you know

(Part 1 of 7, Reflections of a Dark Day three years ago)

Isaiah 44:3

Isaiah 44:3