Tag Archives: Testimony

Verse of the Day – Matthew 10:32

Matthew 10:32

Matthew 10:32

Sometimes it doesn’t feel comfortable to acknowledge the name of Christ before others, there is a fear in mentioning His name and what He has done for us.  I guess this is human nature, not to be seen as weird or a freak!  My truth is that with Christ, I would be nothing, therefore when the time is right, I try to let the Holy Spirit give me the words to speak my story, my story of Christ.

JESUS FREAK by NEWSBOYS
Separated, I cut myself clean from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force and a grace that replaced all the me I divorced
I saw a man with a tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said, ’cause I had to match the rhythm of his belly with my head
“Jesus Saves” is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city and he claimed he had a dream…

What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find that it’s true?
I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak – there ain’t no disguising the truth
There ain’t no disguising the truth
No I ain’t into hiding the Truth

Kamikaze, my death is gain – I’ve been marked by my Maker, a peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak – but I won’t live and die for the power they seek
There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke make the people assume there wasn’t too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face, they thought he was strange from the locusts he ate
All the Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak until the king took the head of this Jesus freak

What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find that it’s true?
I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak – there ain’t no disguising the truth
No I ain’t into hiding the Truth

People say I’m strange, does it make me a stranger?
My best friend was born in a manger?

What will people think when they find out I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find out it’s true?
I don’t care if they label me a Jesus freak – there ain’t no disguising the truth.

What will people think (what will people think)?
What will people do (what will people do)?
I don’t really care (what else can I say?)
There ain’t no disguising the Truth (Jesus is the Way)

 

My Voice, His Story – Celebrating 225 Weeks Sober

This is my voice, but His story.

This video was recorded back in March, just a few weeks before my four year Sober anniversary.  For weeks leading up to the recording I would find myself going over and over the story in my head, it had be suggested some time before that I make a testimony video, so I bit the bullet and arranged with Phil to record one, this is the result.

It has been played at all of our Church campuses, but this is the first time it has been shared on-line, I choose to share it now, the 225th week of my sober journey.

I am so thankful for those few days, where darkness turned to light and I felt the touch of God upon my soul, when the bottle fell from my hands.

I have to thank Gareth and Leanne, the senior Pastors at Everyday Champions Church, for not only giving me the chance to make this video, but for being there when I needed a second chance at life, also a big thank you for everyone who has stood by me on the journey so far.

Please feel to share this testimony.

MERCY TREE by LACEY STURM
On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree
Every broken weary soul
Find your rest and be made whole
Stripes of blood that stain its frame
Shed to wash away our shame
From the scars pure love released
Salvation by the mercy tree

In the spot between two thieves
Hung the blameless Prince of Peace
Beaten, battered, scarred, and scorned
Sacred head pierced by our thorns
It is finished was his cry
The perfect lamb was crucified
His sacrifice, our victory
Our Savior chose the mercy tree

Hope went dark that violent day
The whole earth quaked at love’s display
Three days silent in the ground
This body born for heaven’s crown
On that bright and glorious day
When heaven opened up the grave
He’s alive and risen indeed!
Praise him for the mercy tree!

Death has died, love has won
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome
He has risen from the dead

One day soon, we’ll see his face
And every tear, he’ll wipe away
No more pain or suffering
Praise him for the mercy tree

On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree

On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree

The Story So Far – Chapter 2 – A Venture Into The Unknown

CHAPTER 2 – A VENTURE INTO THE UNKNOWN

On 6th February 2011, our daughter had her dedication at Church, this time I made it there, we put on a show of being a family despite what was going on, we had family come back to our house afterwards, together with Victoria’s friends from Church, I knew some of them but not many.  In a strange twist of fate, all the family sat in the back room with Victoria, I got home and went straight into the front room to watch the football, it was all the people from Church that came into the front room and sat with me, I met so many people that day for the first time, but many of those that sat in my room would become pivotal to what was going to happen just over a year later, I don’t think anyone at that time knew the significance of the that afternoon in February 2011, yet when I look back I know now it wasn’t by chance or coincidence it happened that way, God moves in ways we can never comprehend.

The sad thing was that even though I really enjoyed everyone’s company that afternoon and I really liked everyone that I had met, I also couldn’t wait for them to go.  I knew I couldn’t start drinking in front of them and to be honest I had drunk everything I had the night before.  So I was beginning to get desperate for something to drink.  As soon as the last visitors had left, I made my way around the corner to the shop, it was gone 6pm now and it was invading my drinking time.  Even now I feel really embarrassed by that, these people stood by me a year later, they were there for me when I needed them, but back then I couldn’t wait to get rid of them, because I preferred a drink to their company.

At that point in my life the idea of Church was a big no, I wasn’t in anyway interested in being in a Church, if invited to a Wedding, unless it was close family, Victoria would go with the kids without me, I would go to the evening party, but Victoria would ultimately use the excuse of me being at karate, which in a way was true, but it was avoidable, I just hated in Churches.  At that point I had never been in a Church like Everyday Champions Church, church to me was a centuries old stone building, cold and uncomfortable, an old guy at the front speaking from a book I wasn’t interested and singing hymns that I just could bring myself to sing.  Was I a total non believer, I guess not really, I was fine with people having faith, I just wasn’t interested myself, I believed there was something more to this life, but I was nowhere near ready to accept a God or Jesus into my life.

But on that day in February 2011, I actually found I enjoyed the service at Church and even the music there, some of what they sang I already had on my iPod, but at that point I wasn’t interested.

The music though I was really interested in, I don’t really know why, but even before things began to unravel, I had actually become interested in Christian music.  In mid 2008 I began listening to bands like Casting Crowns, Third Day and Tenth Avenue North, I actually really liked the music and sang along to many of the songs.  Over the previous three years I had been listened to as much Christian music as I had to secular music, I didn’t know why back then, I just did.  I remember one day singing along at home to Daylight by Brave Saint Saturn, in particular the lyrics…

Jesus Christ, light of the world
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness
You held me, still held me

When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone

Your words are life cut marrow through
The darkness to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me

Savior
Daylight

Victoria challenged me as to why I was singing along to such lyrics when I wasn’t a believer, I remember just saying that I enjoyed the music, it was good music and I liked to listen to it, she couldn’t get it into her head as to why I could sing along, if I’m honest then neither can I, as a total none believer I was singing of Jesus, the light of my light, my hope and my saviour, why I don’t really know, but I was somehow in the middle of all this turmoil and this pain and anger, me the total none believer, the guy who didn’t want to know about God, faith, religion or Jesus, was openly singing about all these things.

I had even set my ringtone on my phone to the song “All Around Me” by Christian band Flyleaf, I loved the song, I just thought it was about relationships in general, just about loving someone, it would take a number of years to find that it was about feeling the presence and love of God all around us, how wrong I was, but once again I don’t  think it was by chance that a song like this was brought into my life, eventually music would become a medium in which God would speak to me, but a lot of things had to break until I released just how long this had been happening in my life.

Later in the year a friend of mine offered me a full time job, one of the sales assistants at the builders merchant that he was manager of was leaving and the job was mine if I wanted it.  I was interested in the job, but something inside of me was afraid of change.  When this all started and I was applying for jobs, yet getting no reply, I just stopped bothering, I began to wonder if I was good enough to do anything else, I was being rejected without even being told why, not even given the courtesy of being informed I wasn’t right for the job I was applying for.  I became more and more demoralised and as I mentioned earlier began to withdraw even more.  Now there was job I could take if I wanted it, it would solve so many problems, it was a no brainer really, yet I couldn’t say yes, I stalled for a number of weeks, until I saw that he had in the end advertised it, Victoria challenged me on it and I contacted Bill and said I was interested.  I went to meet him at work and I agreed to take the job, I had to wait a while until the other guy had left, but in late November I started working full time, a regular wage and regular work, it was going to solve so many of my problems, or so I thought.

In this crazy, mixed up mindset that I was living my life with, I thought everything was retrievable.  But I actually thought that it was just the financial situation that was driving the wedge, it was the money problem that was causing the distance between myself and Victoria, having a job and a regular wage would take things right back to where I was before and I could get things back on track with Victoria, that was my mindset, that was what I wanted, I so wanted to make things right with Victoria, but just couldn’t bring myself to sit down with her and have a conversation about where we were and what we could do about it.

Every time my mind wandered back to a time shortly after the birth of our first child, Ben would be about one year old and just a few days before Christmas we were unable to agree what to do on Christmas day, it was on the face of it a trivial disagreement, but we were in a bit of a rocky patch, we were getting a little distant, it would seem that having a child was changing our relationship, I became second to our son as Victoria became super mum and in the midst of that argument I heard those words for the first time….

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you!”

Those words destroyed me, they broke me then, on that occasion we resolved to try harder with our relationship and we got things back on track.  Now this time, I dreaded hearing those words again, I knew I would have to hear them again, I knew they would hurt once again, but I still thought that if we could do it back then, get things back on track again, find a way through it all, then we could do that again, why not?

But things weren’t going to plan, yes I was working full time, which was healthy, I was a better person when I had a purpose to get up for, something to put my mind to.  But the sad fact was that by working and having a regular wage, it meant that I had more money to spend and more money meant more alcohol.

DAYLIGHT by BRAVE SAINT SATURN
Did you hear the news today?
I’m not coming home, no
And I wished it all away
I felt so alone, yeah

And the darkness crept its way
Like stars that we all know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here
In the shadows of eclipsing moons

Crawling on a tightrope
The bravest thing I have is hope

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, oh, tonight

Halogen, the lights will flicker
Incandescent burning lies
And the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies

Aching for a spark
Trembling in pitchest dark

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, oh, tonight

“U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
Repeat, “U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
“We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria”
Repeat, “We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria”

“Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria
Do you read me? Do you read me?
Mayday, mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions
Mayday”

The crew is now out of radio contact
Presently there is no way for us to know
Whether they are alive or dead
Our hopes and prayers go out with you all

“U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
“Houston, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, good to hear your voice
We are coming out of the eclipse now
I see the sunlight, it’s beautiful
The sunlight is beautiful”

Jesus Christ, light of the world
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness
You held me, still held me

When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone

Your words are life cut marrow through
The darkness to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me

Savior
Daylight
I am coming home
Home, home, home, home

The Story So Far – Chapter 1 – The Slide

CHAPTER 1 – THE SLIDE

I guess this story starts somewhere around October/November 2009, at that point in my life everything seemed fine, myself and Victoria were totally in love, in fact we were even trying for another child, a brother or sister to our son and daughter.  But then things began to unravel, it wasn’t as though I wasn’t drinking at that point in my life, I was, just the reasons were ultimately different, at that point I was a recreational drinker, I know I drank almost every evening and even at that point more that was normal, but as I say I wasn’t drinking to escape at that point, it wasn’t a crutch or pain reliever, it was just that I liked a drink, did I have control over it at that point?  The truth is I don’t really know, I never tested that resolve to go without.

I was self employed but on contract to an Architect, which was full weekly work and regular monthly payment, there were a few bills piling up, but otherwise we were okay.  Then sometime in late October I was told there wasn’t the work to keep me working full time, I would only be needed when it was necessary.  At that point I signed on as unemployed as a similar contract like the one I was on was unlikely, due to the financial crisis that was hitting the whole world.

Attending the dole office was a real downer, that was the first time that I felt like I had failed, I hadn’t had to do that in my life at that point, I was demoralised.  But having been self employed complicated things, I was sent so much paperwork to fill in it was unbelievable.  By that time the architects come through with a little bit more work, I decided not to fill in the paperwork and sign off before I had even received a payment.  I also applied for a number of permanent jobs, but I never even received a reply or any acknowledgement, which simply made things even worse.

As 2010 came around I was beginning to struggle, I tried at first, when I was working things were okay, as long as I had something to get up for I was fine, but that was only odd days at a time, maybe a week or so of work, then nothing for a while.  That’s when I became distant, where I began to withdraw from family life and I guess drinking became more than a recreational thing and actually I began to use it to get by.  As bills became unpaid and money became scarce, I would struggle to sleep through the night without waking with reoccurring dreams of stress and struggle, that’s when I became aware that the more I drank, the less frequent those kind of dreams became, instead of dealing with what was actually causing those dreams and getting my life in order, I began to chose to take a different path and bypass the problem.

It was around that time I made my first big mistake, Victoria had been attending Church for some time and had decided to get Baptised, she never asked me to attend, she shouldn’t really have had to, I should have been there by her side, I never offered, I never asked and I never went, I regretted that immediately, I knew I had made a big mistake, I couldn’t admit that to her, so I withdrew even more.

Come the beginning of April we had to have the family dog put down.  He had developed a tumour in his back end, which was getting worse and worse, it looked a mess.  But we didn’t have the money to get it treated, until we could ignore it no more.  Victoria arranged for a visit to the Vet and I took him one Monday morning.  I never brought him home.

It was beyond treatment or treatment that we could afford and given Wylie’s age, the Vet advised we have him put down.  It was a hard decision, but it was one we couldn’t disagree with.  I looked into his eyes as he slowly went to sleep, I kept crying how sorry I was, I blamed myself.

If I hadn’t wasted money on drinking we could have afforded his treatment earlier and all would have been okay, but I knew deep down I had let him down.  His death hit me hard, I didn’t do anything for a week or so, I had work to do from home, but I couldn’t do anything, I just sat there in all my self pity and the only way to escape it all and put it out of my mind was to keep drinking, numb the pain, remove the guilt, remove myself from everything.

Work and money wise, things never picked up, it remained the same way over the coming months, just a few days here and there, money came in as and when.  As I began to drink more and more, I don’t know where the money came from, by now I was in that frame of mind that my alcohol consumption came before anything else, I made sure I had enough to drink each night, before I considered paying any bills, I managed to pay the rent each month, but other bills were being missed, but my drinking continued.  I was borrowing money from everywhere to bankroll my drinking, everything else I left Victoria to deal with.  I left her to deal with all the dept letters and phone calls, I didn’t want anything to do with it and couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it.

Sometime during July I began sleeping on the settee, I just began to fall asleep there watching TV and drinking, some nights I would just fall asleep on the living room floor.  It wasn’t a conscious decision to do that, but eventually it just became the norm, my bed was the settee and actually, it still is, five years on I still sleep on the settee, I could sleep in a bed in one of the bedrooms, but even now I can’t bring myself to do that, so I remain here on the settee.

At one point during the year a bailiff for the Inland Revenue knocked on the door, I was out working, Victoria had to deal with that, she rang me at work to let me know, he was only interested in taking any car I owned to cover what I owed, which by this time was around £8000.  I don’t drive, I never have, I have never even taken a lesson or owned a provisional license, it just never interested me, he left empty handed.  By that time Victoria had been working with the Citizen’s Advice Bureau, who had taken on our dept management, they contacted everyone we owed and made repayment arrangements with them, small enough that we could manage and we started repaying the dept we had amassed at that point.  Money was tight, but still I made sure I had my alcohol provisions before I paid anything.

There were times when I had no money at all and I tried to get through the night without drinking.  Those were bad nights, I would be irritable and short tempered.  Some nights I would pace around the house, wringing my hands continuously or scratching at the skin on my arms, sometimes enough to take the skin off and draw blood.  There were night’s when I was so bad, Victoria would dig out the money she was saving and give it to me to get something to drink, she would say she couldn’t have me in the house like that, she even on one occasion called me “Fun Bobby” referring to the character from the TV show Friends, who was the life and soul of the party when drunk, but depressed and miserable when sober, that was me, it really was and I would say even at that point I knew it!

There were times when she challenged me on my drinking, but I didn’t believe I had a problem and didn’t appreciate being told that, don’t get me wrong I still loved Victoria, that never changed, but the alcohol was now in control, I couldn’t open up liked I used to, I couldn’t fall asleep in her arms anymore after I cried through telling her all my problems, we were distant by now, very distant and I knew I needed to do something about it, but just couldn’t, all I did was drink.  When she challenged me, I hated it, I told I didn’t have a problem, I could stop when I wanted.  Then I would turn around angry, that sort of I’ll show her attitude, I can stop when I like and I will, but being so angry all I wanted was a drink, so that would win out, I’ll show her tomorrow, I need a drink tonight, but that tomorrow never came, I just kept repeating the same thing, it was my ground hog day, repeating the same old cycle every day.

In addition to the work coming in from the architect’s, a friend of my gave me a few days here and there labouring for him, it was money at the end of the day and I needed it, for me it was to drink and then if I had enough left to contribute to the odd bill, but mainly I needed it to drink.

On the days I wasn’t working, I would spend the day just pottering about on the computer, Facebook, games, nothing of any value, nothing to help me get out of this mess, just to indulge my disdain for life at that point.  I tried not to drink during the day, a couple of evenings a week I taught karate, so I definitely didn’t drink before that, but those days were the hard ones, the hours I spent clock watching.  I had this crazy notion that it was acceptable to drink at tea time, to have my tea with a can of cider or a bottle of wine, 6pm in the evening was an acceptable time to the whole of society to drink, before that I would look like an alcoholic who couldn’t control it, in my mind I wasn’t, but I still didn’t want the world to think it either.  But in my room, with the curtains closed to the world outside, in my isolation who would know?  Eventually I began to give in, I would have a couple of cans of cider or lager, I wouldn’t actually start on the wine, just the cans, maybe because I could get rid of the evidence before anyone came home or to be honest, I would drink wine in the evenings and rarely leave a bottle with any left in it, I would buy two bottles and drink them both, if I did leave a bit in the bottle, I would drink it when I woke up anyway, so in the daytime it was just a few cans, after all it would also be okay to have a drink or two at lunch time with my meal, well in my mind it was.

BROKEN by SEETHER ft AMY LEE
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

Finally A Really Encouraging Week

I have to say that this week has been by far the best week I’ve had in such a long time, apart from one thing not going the way I wanted, well let’s be honest it was down to the ineptitude of the Inland Revenue, other than that it’s been a great week, with a number of those what just happened moments, when I look back I can see the touch of God.

I had decided last week that as this month sees the third anniversary of the day I quit drinking, I would prepare a full testimony.  I’ve written many different posts about various moments that have happened over the last few years since I started this journey, but I’ve never written one full testimony.   I have written an abbreviated version, which is basically my about page, which hasn’t been updated since I started this blog back in October 2012, so I thought it would be a good time to write a full testimony and post it in segments over a few days around my Sober anniversary.

Then Monday afternoon I got a text form my friend Sarah, who used to run our Church Connect Group, before she and her husband Paul left to start a new Church under the Everyday Champions banner.  They are holding a special weekend at the end of the month with a fun day on Saturday and a special service on Sunday, they would like me to come over to help on Saturday and to share my testimony with them on the Sunday.  I made sure I could get the time off work and I rang them that evening and spoke to Paul.  I am really looking forward to being part of it and sharing my testimony, I am so pleased that they asked me, when I was really low and struggling with the onset of depression almost eighteen months ago, they were there supporting me all the way, an ear for listening and a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, there was no way is was going to say no!

Since Monday night I’ve been writing my testimony in any spare time I get, I written quite a bit so far, about 8500 words and I still haven’t got to the part where I find God or stop drinking, I’ve got quite a bit to do yet, but I hope to get it somewhere near finished by the end of this week.

We had a great Encounter evening at Church on Wednesday, I felt so encouraged when I left, like everything was coming together and I had a big part to play with my testimony in bringing people to God.   In the past when I have prayed, when I have felt like I’m not sure about things, I’ve felt a hand on my shoulder, gripping tightly, telling me it’s all going to be okay, that I’m exactly where I should be, I felt this on Wednesday, I am where I am supposed to be and I have a part to play, a job to do, as I say I felt so encouraged.

There was a downer on Thursday, but I soon got over it.  At the end of January I finally made my last payment on the £8000 debt that I had owed the Inland Revenue, I rang them to cancel future payments, which they agreed to, they told me to go on to their website to reclaim my over payment, I did all of this and felt like come March I could finally begin to find some financial security.  Tomorrow is my daughter’s ninth birthday, so I told her I would take her to Lincoln to treat her, she could have an amount of money and she could go to her favourite shops and pick what she wanted, that was the plan.

When I checked my bank account, as for some reason I had this feeling that although I knew I would have sufficient money, I had to check, that’s when I found out that the Inland Revenue hadn’t stopped my agreement and had taken out another payment, neither had they repaid me what I had overpaid!  Needless to say I wasn’t very happy, but I wasn’t going to let it spoil the day, yes it was a bit of a downer, the ineptitude of our Inland Revenue is I guess to be expected.

We had a great morning in Lincoln yesterday and Eve loved everything she brought, this morning she went out in her complete new outfit that she picked for herself and on the new skateboard she insisted on buying too.

It’s been a slow start to the year, with the virus I had just before Christmas hanging around for so long, I still have a bit of a cough, but it seems to be going, slowly, but it is going, this month things seem to be moving forward for me again, I feel far more positive and optimistic for the future, I really believe that things from here will get so much better.

O FOR GRACE by BRADY TOOPS
Oh for grace to lay down all my dreams in Him be found
O for faith to keep it true and never stop believing you

And when it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

And oh for love to trust some more to fix my eyes on heaven’s shore
And for hope with every step every word my every breath

When it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

For your light I lose my all, cause I’m not staying here, I’m moving on
So give me strength to hold on tight through stormy gales ‘til morning light

When it’s strong or when it falls through
When it’s strong or when it falls through
When it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

Verse of the Day – Daniel 4:2

Daniel 4:2

Daniel 4:2

This verse more than any other sums up this Blog for me, to share the amazing things that God has done for my life.

THE REASON by LACEY STURM
All my life
I’ve searched for something to satisfy the longing in my heart
And everytime, I come away emptier than before

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave you my life
I’d be healed by your Grace
I was made for Your love
And gave others Your place

I spent my days giving my heart away to anything new
Only to ache from the poison of my temporary muse
And there were times I’d cry myself to sleep at night
Only to wake up wishing that I didn’t

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave you my life
I’d be healed by your Grace
I was made for Your love
And gave others Your place

Thank you for never giving up on me
When I looked to everything else and lived so selfishly
You bled, you died to be with me
Why would you do something like that for someone like me?

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
And now I finally understand
And I give you my life
And I’m healed by your grace
I was made for your love that no one can replace
This is it
I wont miss everything I am made for
To be yours
All yours

The Reason by Lacey Sturm

I was so please this morning when I woke to find the book I had pre-ordered a month or so ago had downloaded to my phone.  I did intend to get up and walk this morning, but I found myself reading the first few pages and then getting so engrossed in the book, if I wasn’t supposed to be at work I would have stayed there and read the whole thing.

I’ve read and heard part of Lacey’s testimony before, which if you haven’t please take a moment to watch this youtube video.

I’m still only part way through, but I am thoroughly captivated by a story of young girl who hides in the darkness, who runs and hides in the shadows, turning away from God, but she also highlights the point we all need to know and that through it all God was with her in the darkness and the shadows, it’s well worth a read.

THE REASON by LACEY STURM
All my life
I’ve searched for something to satisfy the longing in my heart
And everytime, I come away emptier than before

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave you my life
I’d be healed by your Grace
I was made for Your love
And gave others Your place

I spent my days giving my heart away to anything new
Only to ache from the poison of my temporary muse
And there were times I’d cry myself to sleep at night
Only to wake up wishing that I didn’t

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave you my life
I’d be healed by your Grace
I was made for Your love
And gave others Your place

Thank you for never giving up on me
When I looked to everything else and lived so selfishly
You bled, you died to be with me
Why would you do something like that for someone like me?

And now I finally see the reason
‘Cause I was made to be yours alone
You formed my heart with your own hands
And now I finally understand
And I give you my life
And I’m healed by your grace
I was made for your love that no one can replace
This is it
I wont miss everything I am made for
To be yours
All yours