Tag Archives: The Glorious Unseen

Verse of the Day – Romans 5:3-4

Romans 5:3-4

Romans 5:3-4

What a difference a week makes, this time a week ago I was in a real place of despair, it felt like all hope was lost, each day since has been a trial and many tears have been shed, but in persevering each day I feel hope for the future return, my soul is finding peace once again.

THE HOPE THAT LIES IN YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
We can hear the sound of all creation sing
A song to heal the earth, a song to spark a dream
Where are you optimists? We need your strength in this
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You

We can hear the sound of all the earth rejoice
With angels all around lifting up their voice
Where are you hopeful ones? Have we come undone?
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You
This is the hope that lies in You

And through all the questioning You’ve been the hope in me
Despite uncertainty You’ve been the only constant thing
And when I’m struggling You keep on loving me the same
This is the hope that lies in You

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(This is the hope that lies in You)

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need Your love to shine down)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need the face of God now)
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Well That Was All A Bit Of A Mess

I can safely say that following the excitement and celebrations of Christmas Eve and the mile stone of passing the 1000 days sober mark, it all went a little pear shaped from that point onwards, it wasn’t a Christmas particularly worth remembering.

About a week before Christmas I started with a cold and cough that had been going around my work.  I had had a few days of work, as I had holiday days to use up, only to go back with the early signs of a cold to find that everyone seemed to have it in my absence.  Over the next few days the cough got worse, until on Christmas Eve I felt pretty rough, but put it aside to concentrate on celebrations.

Yet as Christmas Eve ticked over at midnight into Christmas Day, I found impossible to get to sleep, the cough was getting worse and I just couldn’t sleep for any period of time, at the most I got about an hour and half sleep, but about 45 minutes was the longest I remember sleeping for.

I just laid there with the TV on, there was nothing I could do.  By the time the kids and Victoria got up to open presents I was feeling really bad, I was aching, shivering and more than a little unsteady, so I went back to bed, I got up I few times to watch them, but each time just lasting a couple of minutes until I went back to bed.  So Christmas Day I just spent there in bed, sleeping at odd times and just laying there coughing at others.  My Mum and Dad dropped off a couple of plated Christmas Dinners, I did manage to eat one, that was the only thing I ate that day.

Boxing Day followed pretty much the same pattern, indeed the next few days did, I couldn’t sleep because of the cough and had very little appetite.  Come Saturday and Sunday the cough was that bad that each time I brought up any mucus it contained blood.  Also due to the excess coughing, it was making my ears and my eyes ache.  The fever had gone, other than the cough I felt okay, it was just the cough was almost none stop, it was getting me down.

Come Monday I felt well enough in myself to go back to work, with the mindset if it got any worse I would make an appointment with the Doctor’s.  The cough was a little inconvenient and the fact I could barely speak, but as it wasn’t busy at work, I didn’t feel that bad.  When I got home the I was shattered, obviously over the last few days I had napped during the day to make up for lack of sleep at night, I couldn’t do that at work.

Over Monday night and Tuesday morning though, the pressure on my eyes finally told, when I woke in the night, my right eye had been watering that badly the sleep had stuck the lids together, the eye was badly bloodshot and swollen too.  I went into work again and made an appointment for the Doctor’s that morning.  It turns out I’ve had some sort of virus, they gave my antibiotics to help fight any infection causing the ear ache etc and also eye drops for my eyes.

So now although I feel okay, unless I go into a coughing fit that feels like my head and chest is going to explode.  My eye is slowly going back to normal, it is still a little red, but not anywhere near like the other morning.

I have kept my Verse of the Day posts going over the last week (although I won’t be continuing with that feature over this next year, I have other plans), but I haven’t posted about my illness, partly because I haven’t had the inclination to spend much time on the computer and partly because I didn’t want to sound as though I was after sympathy.  After all my Uncle is laid in his hospital bed, in a lot of pain, with part of his lung removed and three ribs that were also infected with cancer, whilst he is fighting that, what right do I have to complain!

So even then when I put together my verses, although I think initially I was thinking verses for myself, I felt prompted to look for verse of hope for everyone, regardless of where we are and what we are going through.

Still given where I was last year when I was getting grips with my anti-depressant medication, I still think that this is a better ending to the year than last year and a better ending than any of the years where I was losing myself.

THE HOPE THAT LIES IN YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
We can hear the sound of all creation sing
A song to heal the earth, a song to spark a dream
Where are you optimists? We need your strength in this
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You

We can hear the sound of all the earth rejoice
With angels all around lifting up their voice
Where are you hopeful ones? Have we come undone?
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You
This is the hope that lies in You

And through all the questioning You’ve been the hope in me
Despite uncertainty You’ve been the only constant thing
And when I’m struggling You keep on loving me the same
This is the hope that lies in You

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(This is the hope that lies in You)
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need Your love to shine down)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need the face of God now)
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Please Continue To Pray For My Uncle’s Fight With Cancer

A few nights ago I asked for prayer for my Uncle Andy, who has been diagnosed with lung cancer and I thank all those who have prayed for him.  I understand that next Monday he faces surgery to removed part of his lung, which the Doctor’s hope will be sufficient to eradicate the cancer, I’m sure my family would appreciate your continued prayer.

My Dad has told me that he was actually scheduled to face heart surgery on a defective heart valve, as he like my Dad and his other brother and sister have a history of heart related problems, indeed I was myself diagnosed at 26 with a heart strain and chronic high blood pressure which they found no obvious reason for, it seems as though heart problems run right through our family.

As part of the pre-operation tests they performed a scan on my Uncle and only then found the cancer in his lungs, so now instead of the heart operation he faces an operation to remove part of his lung just three days before Christmas.

I pray for a successful operation which will fully eradicate the cancer and for his speedy recovery.  I thank you all that have prayed and for your continued prayer.

THE HOPE THAT LIES IN YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
We can hear the sound of all creation sing
A song to heal the earth, a song to spark a dream
Where are you optimists? We need your strength in this
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You

We can hear the sound of all the earth rejoice
With angels all around lifting up their voice
Where are you hopeful ones? Have we come undone?
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in You
This is the hope that lies in You

And through all the questioning You’ve been the hope in me
Despite uncertainty You’ve been the only constant thing
And when I’m struggling You keep on loving me the same
This is the hope that lies in You

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(This is the hope that lies in You)
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need Your love to shine down)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)

Hallelujah, hallelujah
(Come down, we need Your hope to come down)
(We need Your grace to pour out)
(We need the face of God now)
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Verse of the Day – Job 11-18

Job 11:18

Job 11:18

Just a reminder, whatever lies ahead, have hope.

THE HOPE THAT LIES IN YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
We can hear the sound of all creation sing
A song to heal the earth
A song to spark a dream.

Where are you optimists?
We need your strength in this.
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled.
This is the hope that lies in you.
We can hear the sound of all the earth rejoice
With angels all around – lifting up their voice.

Where are you hopeful ones?
Have we come undone?
There’s a stirring in your soul that cannot be controlled.
This is the hope that lies in you.

Through all the questioning, you’ve been the hope in me.
Despite uncertainty, you’ve been the only constant thing.
When I’m struggling, you keep on loving me the same.
This is the hope that lies in you.

Come Down – we need your hope to come down.
We need your grace to pour out.
We need your love to shine down.
We need the face of God now.

Verse of the Day – Psalm 51:10

Psalm 51:10

Psalm 51:10

Sometimes, this is all I pray for.

FALLING INTO YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
Don’t wake me
I’ve fallen asleep
Don’t hate me
I have no relief
This burden is shredding my soul
This cycle is out of control

You call me as your friend
As I drive these nails again
I’m falling into you
You call me as your friend
As I break your heart again
I’m falling into you

In a darkened room
This pain is complete
In my selfish tomb
I smell the defeat
Why do I medicate?
Why do I go back to the things I hate?
There’s something broken in me
I must be soaking in my apathy.

You call me as your friend
As I drive these nails again
I’m falling into you
You call me as your friend
As I break your heart again
I’m falling into you

All who are found in this place;
Come to the ocean of grace
All who have spit in his face
Come and live!

You call me as your friend
My heart beats once again
I’m falling into you
You call me as your friend
I come alive again
I’m falling into you.

The Hope That Lies In You – A Sound In The Darkness

Last Saturday evening I posted about the song Accidents Can Happen and it’s place in my life just prior to slipping into a darkness that would last a couple of years, until I had nowhere left to turn except to God.  Again I post about a song that featured in my bleak world, that I don’t really know how it fitted in, why I held onto it, but didn’t understand it, it’s message was clear or it is now anyway, but despite listening to it dozens of times in those lost years, I never grasped that hope, not until that whisper.

When I look back I see that I added this song to my iPod in June 2010, right in the middle of the turmoil, not before, but right in the heart of it.  At that time I was into Christian rock music and contemporary Christian music, but at that time I stayed away from anything that I would now consider worship music, inspirational music yes, but anything that openly worshipped God or Jesus I would maybe add to my iPod, but not to my regular playlist, a few made it through, mainly by artists like Casting Crowns, Third Day and Tenth Avenue North, etc, but not many, I have rediscovered many since embracing God, looking back I’ve found many songs on there which I had previously dismissed, songs of both inspiration and worship.

But this song made it to my favourites playlist and it actually became one of the songs that I would just listen to, not wait for it to come around as part of a random shuffle, I would actually search for it, play it and even sing along to it.  I obviously heard the music and the words, I would sing it, but I still found myself lacking any hope.

It is quite simply a beautiful song with a fantastic message, a message that this week is more relevant than ever.  This week has seen our own small town have it’s community rattled by an explosion, seen parts of Oklahoma reduced to rubble by a tornado and then in Woolwich, London, a young soldier brutally murdered in broad daylight, quite simply this is what we need right now:

We need your hope to come down
We need your grace to pour out
We need your love to shine down
We need the face of God now

I don’t know why, but I loved this song when I first heard it, I loved it in my darkness, maybe subconsciously I was holding on to the hope the lyrics talked about, but I didn’t feel the hope, I sang the words, but didn’t believe, but I love the song now as much as I ever have.

I’ve wanted to use the song a few times before, but again I couldn’t find a youtube video, so with a little time this afternoon to relax, I thought I would put one together for it, as I thought it was time to share the sentiments, I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

THE HOPE THAT LIES IN YOU by THE GLORIOUS UNSEEN
We can hear the sound of all creation sing
A song to heal the earth
A song to spark a dream
Where are you optimists?
We need your strength in this
There’s a stirring in your soul
That cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in you

We can hear the sound of all the earth rejoice
With angels all around
Lifting up their voice
Where are you hopeful ones?
Have we come undone?
There’s a stirring in your soul
That cannot be controlled
This is the hope that lies in you

Through all the questioning
You’ve been the hope in me
Despite uncertainty
You’ve been the only constant thing
When I’m struggling
You keep on loving me the same
This is the hope that lies in you

Come Down
We need your hope to come down
We need your grace to pour out
We need your love to shine down
We need the face of God now

Falling Into You

In my last post “Not, Not Too Bad”, I posted a youtube video of this song, as at the time it was the only one with lyrics I could find, but it was the full version and not of great quality, so I started making one myself, but it was taking too long so I posted it anyway.

I’ve manage to complete it now, so I want to post this version as I think the song has a great message, it deals with pain and addiction, the words mirror my own path over the last year, handing my pain and addication over, finding redemption through Jesus, it’s a song that means a great deal to me.

Not, Not Too Bad!

I have posted before in my post Small Steps – Looking Forward about the small daily changes I initiated when I started out on this new journey of sobriety and a life with Jesus as my saviour.

But this one little change that I decided on has been the one that I still find myself struggling with, I kick myself at least once a day when I repeat that part of my former self, even as the days pass by I still find I can’t shake that old piece of me, it’s annoying, it drives me mad, but I’m determined to beat it.

But this isn’t a physical change, it’s not getting up each day and walking, I do that everyday sometimes I don’t want to but I do it, it not exercising or just keeping my chin up and eyes forward as I walk, that one still gets me odd times but not often, it’s not a daily routine to stick to, it’s not finding time to do things or finding the time to read my bible, it’s far more simple than any of these things.

It’s only words, just words, actually it is just three simple words, three simple words to a question I get asked numerous times everyday and numerous times I get the answer wrong, I kick myself but my autopilot comes into play and I give the answer that the old me would give, again and again and again.

So what’s the question?

It is…. How are you?

It’s any easy question to answer, a question I’m asked nearly every time I answer the phone at work or serve a customer or when I meet someone in the street, Church, Karate or wherever.

Now, the old me who was going through life in constant lethargy, under the cloud of that everlasting hangover an alcoholic walks below, never felt that great as I was struggling under the weight of all my problems and issues, the depression was set in and the alcohol was masking those issues, I was nearly always tired or close to burn out, but I couldn’t let people know how bad I was feeling behind the smile or low I had let myself get, so how did I answer the question?

Not too BAD!

Not too bad, it’s a cop out really, it’s really not an answer to be honest, it’s like the old glass half empty or half full saying, I wasn’t really anything, but we all use it on an almost daily basis.

What is it I’m actually saying when I say that, it can mean so many things.

I decided that it was time to be honest, once the pain of the withdrawals was banished, it’s was time to tell the truth, I actually felt good for the first time in years, it wasn’t a not too bad feeling anymore, I was either feeling good or bad, to be honest I felt good most of the time, so why not say it, just admit it, but it wasn’t really that simple.

I resolved myself to say it like it is, but each time I was asked the question without thinking the words “not too bad” just came out, but it would be too late to rectify the mistake. I tried and still do try to answer “I’m good thanks”, but years of saying those bloody words have embossed them on my tongue, they seems to be just there ready to jump out at the first opportunity. I fight this everyday, it may seem trivial to some, but to me it’s important, very important.

As I approach my 300th SoberDay, I can safely say that any day I don’t drink is a great day, not a bad day at all, saying “not too bad” intimates that I’m on the bad side of average, not approaching anything like good, just those words say it’s bad but not too bad, but my life’s not like that anymore, it hasn’t been since back in May.

Life is good, I know I have the odd day where things aren’t great, but they’re not bad either, I’m still not drinking so it’s got to be good, I still have my journey with God and his grace to forgive my sins, so how can it be anything approaching bad, it just isn’t, so why do I intimate that it is?

Over Christmas and New Year I had a few days where the laziness of the holidays brought some of the old habits close to the surface, it got me down a little to say the least, but on the whole I fought through them and kept true to my path, not drinking and no going back to the old me, so things are still good, not approaching anywhere near bad, because I recognised the signs and did everything I could to fend them off, it wasn’t easy but I got through it and stayed on the good side of average.

So I still try to say “I’m good thanks”, because too be honest I am, for the most part I feel great, at worst I feel good, so I should be admitting it.

I will try every time I am asked that simple question to be honest, not an automatic answer which covers all the bases, I want people to know my life is good, because the love of God makes it that way.

How do you answer that simple question, how are you?

Do you have an auto answer setting or do you tell it like it really is?

You call me as your friend
My heart beats once again
I’m falling into you
You call me as your friend
I come alive again
I’m falling into you
(Falling Into You by The Glorious Unseen)

Feelings Of The Sixth Sense

I guess I got my wish, I said I wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday yesterday, but when it hit me between the eyes like someone had swung a cricket bat at my head, I slipped back, I clung to my path, I counted my day, but I had an awful feeling of isolation, quite simply it felt like I was Bruce Willis’s character in the Sixth Sense, although I was at home, I was invisible, nobody could see me, I was a ghost!

Let me try to explain.

Although I posted on here Wednesday night and on Facebook yesterday morning, that I wasn’t celebrating my birthday but instead my SoberDay, I got up early, I walked early so I didn’t have to rush to work, I could open my cards and presents with the kids.

Well no, my son was up but went on his Playstation without say anything, my daughter never woke and that was that I went to work without hearing happy birthday!

I went through the day at work, although I had some great messages on here and Facebook, by the time I walked home I had still not heard the words!

I got home and everyone went about their usual evening routine and still no happy birthday, I began to feel like Bruce Willis again, I wanted to reach out but nobody saw me, so after an hour or so of silence, I open the few cards and presents I had got, then left for Church, by now feeling abandoned.

I had an hour or so at Church, then just as I was leaving, someone finally said “Happy Birthday”, it took over 20 hours, it wasn’t from my close loved ones, but it made me feel better anyway.

I prayed for the strength to rise above I’ve it all, after all I had asked for it not to be celebrated, but I thought my kids would want to anyway, so I lifted myself, put an appearance in at Karate and went to help the Foxy Ladies at the pub quiz, whilst holding onto my lime n soda. The Foxy Ladies are a group of older ladies and pensioners that come together once a week to do the pub quiz, by accident I helped them a few years back when they were struggling with sports, music and film questions, I’ve been helping them ever since. I don’t know anything intelligent, just a muddle of rubbish, I can tell you who the first ever UK Christmas no 1 was and who played John the Baptist in the Greatest Story Ever Told, but anything on the news or important, it just passes me by.

I got a phone call from James about 10pm, which lifted my spirits, I’m out with him again tonight, he always has the ability to lift me, so I look forward to tonight.

But when I got home I wanted so much to vent my anger, to post a very angry blog on here, so I logged on in preparation, but a comment from Candy S at Finding Order In Chaos, saying she had been nominated me for a “REALITY Blog Award” which instantly lifted my spirits further. I started this blog on 6th October, so exactly two months later to get my first award was great, another thing to add to the day of anniversaries, so I completed my journal counted my day as the 252nd SoberDay, so all was good really.

Then this morning, the family went about their morning routines not paying any attention to me so, I drifted back to being Bruce Willis, a ghost in my own home. So I fought the urge to stay in bed and went for a two hour walk.

I’m so glad I did, I reasoned it all, I cried out to God and Jesus, I cried I was sorry, that I accept after years of self isolation, I was now reaping what I had sown, I had ignored those around me on special days, as I was lost in my own sorry, bitter, tortured world, now I was getting my penance, my punishment and well I deserve it, I will take it and I will learn from it.

My walk quickly changed my mood, as I prayed for songs to lift me, they kept coming and I kept singing out loud, Traumatising Rabbits as I went.

One song on my playlist, which is not really a Christian song of faith, is Landing in London by 3 Doors Down, it deals with the singers isolation from his loved one whilst on tour with his group. I understand this, as even though I live with who I call my partner, I am isolated from her, our situation means I am apart from her, but I love her so much, even after everything I love her and want to be close to her, but I can’t, even though we are in the same house, so I find myself singing this song to her.

But then I realise I am actually singing this song to God, it is I guess a metaphor for my lost years, my isolation from God as much as my partner. Either way I sang out loud, so now I share the song with you (not my version, Traumatising Rabbits is one thing, deafening my readers is inexcusable).

“And when the night falls in around me
I don’t think ill make it through
I’ll use your light to guide the way
Cause all I think about is you”
(Landing In London by 3 Doors Down)

Another song that I sang loud and proud on my secluded walk along the cycle path was Jesus Friend Of Sinners by the Casting Crowns, I sang and believed every word, I was the sinner, I was the lost cause, I was the outcast, He died for my sins, with this came realisation, once again I am forgiven and it is all forgotten, lift your head up, wall talk and live again.

“And I was the lost cause
And I was the outcast
You died for sinners just like me
A grateful leper at Your feet”
(Jesus Friend Of Sinners by The Casting Crowns)

Then one final song as I neared home, this is a new one, I’ve only listened to it a few times before, but I sang along anyway (not so loud this time, I was walking through the cemetery by this point), everything seemed to become sane again, my angriness, my isolation, my brokenness, my transparency, they had all vanished, I had fallen to pieces once again and was put back together, once again.

“It’s like I’m falling to pieces
With one gaze from Your eyes.
And then You put me together when You say you are mine.”
(The Love Of God by The Glorious Unseen)

I am feeling good about myself again, I’ve been low for the last 24 hours or so, but I am back on track now, got a Karate class later (great 40 to 50 screaming kids, can’t wait), then out for a meal, life is good again.

Tonight I will complete my journal, on top of the page, in bold hand writing will be:

Sober Day: 253

So all is GOOD!

P.S.
Sorry but if you’ve never seen the Sixth Sense and were planning a lovely evening to watch it for the first time, I have spoilt the ending for you, yes he is a ghost all along, no I didn’t get it until the end either and yes my “partner” got it in the middle of the film, but I was too stupid to do that!