Recall (Psalm 42:5)
I see your heart
Looked deep into your soul
Down cast and weary
Made tired before the world
We’ve been here before
When I brought you out
Renewed your strength
Rebuilt your hope
So just praise my name
As you recall those times before
And feel your soul rise once more
Psalm 42:5
Weary Soul (Proverbs 3:24)
In the test I have triumphed
In the trials I have overcome
Yet this battle leaves my weary
I have no strength left within
This night Lord I lie before You
This night Lord I lie here afraid
That tomorrow I will not rise
With the heart to face the day
I pray Lord for Your peace this night
I pray Lord for Your sweetest rest
So when the battles rages before me
I find Your strength within to fight
(Part 1 of 7)
Proverbs 3:24
For the first time in days I managed to get a full night’s sleep last night, it was the first night since before Christmas Eve that I don’t actually remember waking up at any point in a coughing fit, yet I still feel absolutely shattered.
By the time I had walked to Church and set up the camera’s I really was starting to flag and it wasn’t even 10am. Most days that I’ve been off work over the Christmas/New Year period I caught up on lost sleep at night by napping in the day, when I was at work I napped when I got home, but today even though I was shattered this morning I didn’t sleep this afternoon. Hopefully that means I will get a good night’s sleep again tonight, before I’m back at work tomorrow morning.
Although my eyes are no longer bloodshot, they are still weeping slightly at night and do still feel very dry, despite the fact that I have drank plenty of fluids. The haze at Church really didn’t help my eyes this morning, after completing my camera work, my eyes really were smarting, the first thing I did when I got home was put eyes drops in both eyes.
The coughing is certainly not so intense has been, when I have coughing fit they are still pretty intense, but they are getting less and less frequent as each day passes, so hopefully over the next week it will have gradually faded away.
My plan to get back into my walking on New Year’s day has completely gone out of the window, I had hoped to be back out walking each morning, but given the circumstances that hasn’t really been an option. My plan now is to hopefully be shut of this virus by the end of this week and start the daily walking again next weekend, fingers crossed it all goes to plan.
It has been pretty much a Christmas to forget, but that is now gone and pretty much forgotten, so it’s onwards into the New Year and those new year plans, I didn’t make any specific New Year’s Resolutions, other than to start walking, get fit again and lose a few pounds, all with the view to competing again in the summer, yes it’s true I plan to come out of retirement at this Year’s National Championships and attempt to win my title back, I felt I needed a few goals and targets and that was one of them.
GOLDEN BELL by BRADY TOOPS
There’s a land beyond the river that we call the sweet forever
And we only reach that shore by faith’s decree
One by one we all will get there passing thru the door of despair
When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
We shall know no sin nor sorrow in the harbor of tomorrow
When our ships all sail beyond the earth beneath
We shall only know the blessings, no more doubt and no more guessing
When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
Oooooooooooooooh
And when our days shall know their number, when in death we sweetly slumber
When the King commands our spirits to be free
Nevermore with anguish laden, we shall reach our final haven
When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
Psalm 37:7
Three weeks without any anti-depressents, it’s been a little up and down and I feel so tired on top of a bad day at work, but for now I rest in him, ready to rise again tomorrow.
HERE I AM ANYWAY by JOSH WILSON
I’m like Moses in the desert
When that bush went up in flames.
You said, “Go and tell your story.”
He said, “God, what will I say?
I’m so scared, unprepared
What difference will I make?”
Sometimes I feel the same.
If it’s weakness that You want,
I’ve got more than enough.
But some days I am so afraid
To show this fragile love.
But I’ll give You all of me
And my insecurities.
God I don’t have what it takes,
But here I am anyway.
Here I am anyway.
God, I’ve got so many questions,
Wonder why You placed me here.
You have given me these passions,
But they come with so much fear.
Sometimes it don’t make sense at all
But I guess if I was brave
Then I wouldn’t walk by faith.
If it’s weakness that You want,
I’ve got more than enough.
But some days I am so afraid
To show this fragile love.
But I’ll give You all of me
And my insecurities.
God I don’t have what it takes,
But here I am anyway.
Here I am anyway.
If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won’t say no (I won’t say no, I won’t say no)
If You say go (If You say go, if You say go)
I won’t say no (I won’t say no, I won’t say no)
Cause it’s weakness that You want,
That’s how You show Your love.
Your power is made perfect,
When we are not enough.
If it’s weakness that You want,
I’ve got more than enough.
But some days I am so afraid
To show this fragile love.
But I’ll give You all of me
And my insecurities.
God I don’t have what it takes,
But here I am anyway.
Here I am anyway.
Here I am anyway, anyway.
Here I am anyway, anyway.
Weekly Photo Challenge: Good Morning!
After a week off work, it was a return to the usual daily routine on Monday or so I thought!
When I got to work I found out that we were short of yard staff and both the Assistant Manager and the Branch Manager would be in the yard most of the week, leaving me pretty much on the Sales Counter on my own most of the week, to say I’ve been tired this week is an understatement, but other than that it’s not been a bad week, apart from the weather that is.
Between Morning Clouds
Brightness Between
Beyond The Path
Early Rising
Beyond Far Trees
I NEED A FATHER by STARFIELD
Hold me somebody, don’t let me be alone
Love me, stay with me, I am dying to be known
My heart cries out, I need a Father
Whose love will never fail me
A friend like no other
Whose trusted arms will hold me
I need a Father
I am wounded but I took the pain away
Free me, heal me, I don’t want to be afraid
My heart cries out, I need a Father
Whose love will never fail me
A friend like no other
Whose trusted arms will hold me
Here’s my heart
Be tender, please
Let me love Your love for me
Here’s my heart
I’m on my knees
I will trust cause I believe
You are my Father
Your love will never fail me
A friend like no other
Your trusted arms will hold me
You are my Father
I am officially shattered this evening, it’s been a long, long weekend, it’s Sunday evening and I’ve just finished work at 8.15pm!!!! On a Sunday!!! Sunday’s are for Church then Karate, but work as well?
I could just close my eyes and sleep, if I wasn’t so hungry and still actually mentally buzzing!
Friday was a great night at Amplified once again, our youth ministry is growing each week, but for me it makes a long day, but I don’t mind. I work from 7.30am to 4pm, then leave to teach karate from 4.30 to 6pm, then rush home change and out to Church until gone 10pm, a long, but extremely enjoyable day.
Yesterday was a crazy day too, I went for a 3 hour walk first thing, then at 10.30am went to Ursula’s for what I thought would be 3 or 4 hours of architectural work, wrong, eight hours later I walked home with a fried brain!!!!
So this morning another early start at Church to get the cameras set up, then filming the main service, Justin was preaching this week and boy did he cover every inch of the stage, he never stood still for too long, I had to concentrate so hard on the tiny viewing screen to follow him and keep in view, hard work, but I enjoy it, I actually enjoy the test, it helps me improve my camera work, especially with ECTV due to go live in two weeks.
A bit if lunch then off to karate for two and half hours of teaching, then leave there to go back to Ursula’s for another two and half hours staring at a computer screen, now I’m completely brain fried, but I’m not finished yet, I’m back there tomorrow night after work as well.
So now for tea and then, hopefully, a long and peaceful sleep!!!!
I heard this song on my iPod whilst walking yesterday, I’ve listened to it many times, but yesterday morning it really caught my attention, so I thought I would share it with you all.
STREETS by ABOVE THE GOLDEN STATE
When shadows turn to faces, and when faces take on names
When names tell us their stories, of their brokenness and pain
When love flows through the cities, through the grid of all the streets
Under bridges in the alleys, like blood through our veins
Love is real
Love will bleed
Love will heal
Love will need
When love is used like money, it turns into our greed
When love is more like water, then everyone will drink
So let it flow through all our cities, and flood them like the sea
Fill the souls that hunger, Lord give us what we need
Love change the world …
Love change the world …
You can see it when He walks around
You can feel it when He moves the ground
We’re all colored with a crimson stain
Can you see it now, can you see Him now
From the clouds to the world below
From the mountain to the city of gold
Love is coming like an urgent rain
Can you feel it now, can you feel Him now
I don’t really have a lot to say tonight, it seems to have been a long hard day, waking in the middle of the night again didn’t help, even after an early night, at half past one I was running with a poem in my head, I put it on here, then still not able to switch off added to a poem I started with a few weeks ago, then I had just two verses, I added a few more then finally finished it this morning.
My Nanna’s funeral went really well, I thought I was doing okay to hold it all together, but then whilst waiting at my Aunt’s house, it hit me when the coffin arrived, from that point I was fighting the tears all the way, they finally flowed at the Church and then at the cemetery.
I’m so tired now, when I got home I slept for over two hours, only to wake feeling so drained and numb, it was hard to even walk or move about. That’s unsteadyness lifted now, but I still feel so worn and tired.
My Nanna was a woman of strong faith, it was said in the funeral service that she had commented that she knew where she was going. Last night my mind was full of this song, in light of my Nanna’s faith, I’m sure the angels led her in.
And if you were with me tonight
I’d sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn’t let it live
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads
The sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
(Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World)
Ok, so yesterday I just ran out of steam, I think my body was telling me to slow down, take a rest, I put in a lot of hours last week, between my job, Church, Karate, architectural work and computer repair work, I put in over 75 hours, not counting travelling to and from, I was definitely ready for the rest.
So this morning I had a lie in, WOW, I don’t lie in anymore, not beyond 6.30am anyway, if you can call that a lie in. This morning although I was awake around 6.30am, I napped a few times until I got up mid morning and to be honest, I enjoyed it!
So no walk this morning, maybe tomorrow, but for now I share a couple of photo’s from yesterdays walk.
Burning The Edge Of Clouds
Light Beyond Spring Growth
I can see Your face
I can see Your hands
I can see Your finger prints
You’re everywhere I am
I can hear Your voice
What a beautiful sound
Oh, Your love, Your love
Your love, Your love is loud
(Love Is Loud by Luminate)
I know that’s not a particularly polite title, but it’s the one I kept coming back too, I tried for something different, but I just returned to “Poetry Dump”, I added the Prayer Vision after I decided to share something I would normally hide!
Yesterday the exhaustion of last week and the lack of sleep at the weekend, after receiving the news of my Nanna’s passing, well it caught up with me and took a big swipe at me. During the morning, whilst at work, my energy just disappeared, I was spent, I ached and felt I just had to get out of there. My Boss gave me the rest of the week off and I return home, a quick salad for dinner and then much needed sleep!!!!
On awaking I picked up my phone and instantly went for the notepad feature, I don’t know why? I often prepare early drafts of posts or poems on my phone, just as I am now whilst in the bath (sorry if you are now suffering from disturbing visions!), but on there I found a number of poems drafted between mid February and March this year. I honestly don’t remember writing two of these and vaguely remember writing the third one, which was incidentally the oldest of the three.
I’m not sure without reading my journals from the days they were written where my head was, why or what inspired me to write them, either good or bad, I just don’t know why I wrote them and then abandoned them.
Quite often I don’t connect with the poems I’m trying to write, so I just leave them, if it doesn’t for the most part write itself, it’s not for writing! Sometimes I return to them and find the words needed to complete them, but these were fairly complete, I added on a verse to “Because You Promise”, the last verse just to finish it, I rearranged or edited the other two, albeit only minor changes, then uploaded them one by one, in other words instead of leaving them abandoned for no one to see, I dumped them on my blog.
Some of my poetry, as I have said before, I don’t really like or connect with, when reading them back I just can’t reconnect with where I was at the time I wrote it. Others grow on me, especially when my faithful followers find something within the words I fail to see myself, others I love from the beginning, they maybe don’t get the responses some of my other work does, but I feel those words every time I read them back.
I have written a number of poems that haven’t appeared on here, personal words of thank you to friends who have been there for me on my journey over this last year, they are personal and directly written for the recipient, it is theirs now to do with what they wish.
There is one other that remains complete in my rough note book of poems, read only by me, but not for me, for Victoria, will I ever find the courage to pass it on to it’s intended owner, who knows? Maybe?
I prayed for us again last night, I saw a vision of her upside down, I asked God what that meant, why was she upside down, after a brief pause, the image of rotated around slowly until she was upright again.
If I’ve read this vision correctly, I see her world as being upside right now, messed up somewhat, but to wait and God will turn it around, He will stand her back up the right way again, I just have to endure and be patient, hold on to his promise.
I very often write something like this, then erase it, but not today, I’m going to share it with you all.
And all you are you cannot fall
You move the world, you have it all
You cannot fall, you cannot fall
Now here we are, going down, down, down
We can turn this around, it’s who we are
And now here we are, going down, down, down
Will we turn this around or fall apart?
And now here we are, looking down, down, down
We can turn this around, it’s who we are?
(Who We Are by Evans Blue)
It’s been a long first week back in the World of Wayne (I wrote it this way, because if I had a pound for every time I had heard it the other way I would be a little richer than I am now), after the lazy Christmas break I really was ready to get back into the swing of things, it just hit me like a ton of bricks to be brutally honest.
The break over Christmas was both good and bad, Christmas went better than I could ever have hoped, I expected to spend most of Christmas and New Year alone, fighting the urge to drink and all the other stupid things I would do to make myself feel better, just like the previous years when I was my own company and that was ok, as long as the beast was with me, I was ok I didn’t really need anybody else, a sad existence, but I couldn’t help it back then, I was trapped within a habit and addiction, just simply losing the will to live as each day went by, but this year was so different.
But as long as the break went on, then the more the old parts of my character, that I thought I had walked away from, started to resurface, not the drinking, I kept that under control, I really didn’t have the urge to drink at all, surprising but I didn’t, it was just the more I stayed within these four walls, the more I got trapped by them and the lazier I seemed to get, days with no purpose aren’t great for me, I have to have routine and purpose to function correctly.
At least the Blogging was there for me, I so enjoyed all the writing and reading all your wonderful Blogs, all the comments and the responses, it was great to share that time with some people who I may never meet, but have become some of my most treasured friends, I thank you all for being there with me, through a testing time.
The early part of this week was very busy, I work from 7.30am to 5pm, then after that I went to do some work for my old employer, by the time I got back and had my tea on Monday, that was it I was fast a sleep by 8.30pm, I was gone, I woke for a short time to respond to some comments, then back to sleep before waking at 5.20am the next morning to go for my walk and start again. That evening I went again to my former employers, came home had tea, got changed and went to karate to teach for 2½ hours, it was gone 11pm when I got back home and then went pretty much straight to sleep.
Wednesday night had a similar pattern, work, more work after that, tea and then I went out to meet my friend Alex for a chat. Alex you may remember came with Gareth that day when my life changed, that morning I made that phone call and the evening they both sat with me as I broke down was 300 hundred days ago today, so it was fitting I guess that I met with Alex this week to discuss my progress since then, I enjoyed our meeting and look forward to doing it again.
As you all know I managed a quick post on Thursday just to let everyone know I was OK, that was followed by an hour at Church with the A.V. Team and the 1½ hours of karate, before bed and a little more sleep.
On Friday nights I teach karate straight after work, this class I actually get paid to teach, all the other four times a week I teach for the love of it, not money, but to just pass on what I have learnt. But Fridays classes can be stressful, I have two classes with my assistant Steve, the first class may only be 45 minutes, but it has four to seven year olds, most of them are okay as long as you keep their attention, but there are a couple that just push the boundaries, they have no intention of learning and just create havoc, so 26 young kids and a couple of tearaways after a long tiring week can test the patients just a little. The second class is for seven to fifteen year olds, who thankfully are very eager to learn, that class balances the first and brings me back down to normality.
Needless to say I was so tired last night, but I managed a quick poem about being tired of all things and today I am getting back into the swing of things, work this morning only until twelve and then karate this afternoon, so now I can rest, write something, catch up on some of your blogs and then crash for the evening, ready for a three hour walk at 5am tomorrow morning, ain’t life great!
Oh and I managed to take a few more photos of the sun rise over Blue Lake this morning, so different to ones from Sunday, although I took these on my iPhone, so they are quite as good quality as the others.
Distant Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 1
Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 2
Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 3
Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 4
Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 5
I will have my camera with me tomorrow morning to capture a sun rise if it is visible, the weather men say it may snow, which will be fun if it does, I can’t wait!
On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus Son of God
You are Jesus Son of God
(Jesus, Son of God by Chris Tomlin & Christy Nockels)
