Tag Archives: Vicky Beeching

Verse of the Day – Psalm 86:11-13

Psalm 86:11-13

Psalm 86:11-13

I’m forever thankful that His great love from delivered me from the depths, yet I still long for an undivided heart.

UNDIVIDED HEART by VICKY BEECHING
Brokenness has brought me to my knees
Face to face with all that’s dark in me
I can barely see You through my shame

Jesus come and wash me white again

Flood me with Your healing light
Help me choose what’s true and right

Give me an undivided heart
I want to love You with every partâ
Give me an undivided soul
I want to be Yours alone Yours alone

At the cross I find Your open arms
Reminding me there’s grace for all I’ve done
With Your blood You wipe away my past
Taking on Yourself my sin and scars

By Your power help me change
Break off every single chain

You make all things new
So take my ashes and make them something beautiful
Do what only You can do
Take my ashes and make them something beautiful

Verse of the Day – Ezekiel 11:19

Ezekiel 11:19

Ezekiel 11:19

Sometimes I think I still have that old heart of stone.

UNDIVIDED HEART by VICKY BEECHING
Brokenness has brought me to my knees
Face to face with all that’s dark in me
I can barely see You through my shame
Jesus come and wash me white again

Flood me with Your healing light
Help me choose what’s true and right

Give me an undivided heart 
I want to love You with every part
Give me an undivided soul
I want to be Yours alone Yours alone

At the cross I find Your open arms
Reminding me there’s grace for all I’ve done 
With Your blood You wipe away my past 
Taking on Yourself my sin and scars 

By Your power help me change 
Break off every single chain 

You make all things new
So take my ashes and make them something beautiful
Do what only You can do 
Take my ashes and make them something beautiful

In My Weakness, He Is Strong

I am certainly one of those people who lets worry eat away at them, I am also one of those people who tends to just take things in, to stew on them, let them play on my mind and suffer in silence, not wanting to bother others with my worries and problems.

I guess I am a typical male, we don’t let anyone see our weakness, we don’t let anyone see we are struggling, we keep it hidden, we put on a brave face and keep going, we hide it all, well I certainly do.

Basically I try to get through everything on my own strength, by my own means and in my own way.

A lot of the time that is completely fine, I get through and keep going.  But when life gets hard, what happens then, for me I keep pushing on through, struggling behind a mask and putting on a brave face, all the while when I’m stood alone in the shadows the world is beating me down, hiding the pain in the darkness where the rest of the world cannot see.

But what I’ve found in the last month or so, is that when I try and push on through by my own strength, fighting against a life which is beating me down, it leads me to one thing, it leads me to the edge of life and desperate to leave this earth.

But last night when I was looking for a verses to accompany my post, I came across this verse which I read but dismissed at the time, but this morning my mind jumped back to it, this verse has been talking to me all day, it’s been there all day on my mind.

Ezekiel 34:16
I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.

Then I looked at this verse also and it all became clear.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

It became quite clear I will never be enough by my own strength, the key is I’m not supposed to do it all in my own strength, when I do it leads to the point I almost destroy myself.

Yet when I let go, when I pray for strength and receive it, I find the way to make it through.

So note to self, it’s never been by my strength that I’ve made it through, so stop trying to do it all alone, pray and have faith, in my weakness, He is strong.

UNDIVIDED HEART by VICKY BEECHING
Brokenness has brought me to my knees
Face to face with all that’s dark in me
I can barely see You through my shame
 
Jesus come and wash me white again

Flood me with Your healing light
Help me choose what’s true and right

Give me an undivided heart 
I want to love You with every partâ
Give me an undivided soul
I want to be Yours alone Yours alone

At the cross I find Your open arms
Reminding me there’s grace for all I’ve done 
With Your blood You wipe away my past 
Taking on Yourself my sin and scars 

By Your power help me change 
Break off every single chain 

You make all things new
So take my ashes and make them something beautiful
Do what only You can do 
Take my ashes and make them something beautiful

Being Part Of A Vision

It’s been another good day today, a great day at Church that is.

After yesterday’s long day at the Show, I skipped walking this morning, I knew it would be a fairly long day at Church, seeing as I was on main camera, where concentration is key, I wanted to be as awake as I possibly could.

Justin gave another great preach as part of the current Life Detox series, I’ll need to listen to the podcast again as I walk sometime this week, unfortunately I find as I’m concentrating on following Justin’s every movement on stage, I don’t take in as much of what he is saying as I would like, but what I did take in sounded great as usual.

Then after a short lunch break Gareth took the stage to outline our Church’s current vision for the future, for expansion both short term and long term.  Once again as I was on the camera for Gareth’s presentation, I couldn’t take it all in detail, but I got the basic outline of what he was saying and the vision for expansion, which sounds exciting.

Part of that vision will include the expansion of the current live streaming of our services.  We currently film our services and live stream the preach to our other campus in Wellingborough and to the internet, as well as uploading an audio podcast to iTunes for download.  Podcasts of our services can be found here.  The plan is starting next month we will be launching ECTV, which will broadcast parts of our service and other features live to the internet each Sunday, as well as broadcasting other media and information for our Connect Groups and anyone else who maybe interested.

It’s certainly an honour to be part of something as exciting as this and to be trusted to carry out camera duties for many of the forthcoming live services.

When I look back to Sunday 18th March 2012, when I was in the middle of an alcoholic bender and staring into a mirror with a penknife at my wrist, on the edge, almost over, to where I find myself now, the change in my life is an absolute miracle, nothing short of amazing.

That’s all thanks to what God did for me that day, when He blew all those destructive thoughts away, when He whispered in my ear and held my wrists safely apart, He started the process of breathing life back into these dry bones.

The very next day He gave me the courage to call Gareth, which just two weeks later brought me to the Everyday Champions Church, where I now find myself part of a family.

For those interested I will keep you informed over the coming weeks regarding the launch of ECTV next month, in the mean time I believe we will still be live streaming from our services, I will let you know where you can find them on the internet later this week.

I know I’ve used this song before, but something Justin said in his preach earlier, from 2 Corinthians 2:17, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, There is freedom”, brought this song straight into mind.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is freedom
Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is hope
Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is healing
Your blood is enough
To break every chain
Your blood is enough
To break every chain
(Deliverer by Vicky Beeching)

Glory To God Forever by Vicky Beeching

I really love this song and have been looking to include it within a post for sometime, but again the age old problem, I couldn’t find a video on youtube, I started making one a few months ago, but never completed it, but after a great day at Church early today, I came home and decided to finish it, to just simply pick an image and go with it.

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

Glory to God
Glory to God
Glory to God forever
Creator God You gave me breath
So I could praise
Your great and matchless name
All my days all my days
So let my whole life be
A blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings
The greatness of the King
Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours
(Glory To God Forever by Vicky Beeching)

Finally Resolved – Daily Prompt: Resolved

Finally Resolved – Daily Prompt: Resolved
Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept.

Another nightmare year slowly comes to a close, the desolation of my life seems to expand beyond the horizon visible to my tired eyes, the landscape of scorched earth I’ve created.

I’m falling slowly apart, I’m sinking gradually further, I don’t want to but I can’t help myself, this endless cycle just keeps rolling onwards, gathering momentum, eventually it will come to a halt in catastrophic consequences, unless I wake, unless I do something, unless I put up a fight, I want to I really do, but I am weak, I am taken, I am owned by a beast within, the one I’ve lost control to.

The only one I love has reached the horizon, I try to shout out, but my voice has abandoned me, I want to say I love you, but my fear silences me, I heard those words once before, they broke me in two back then, we made it through together that time, but this time is different, I don’t want to hear them again, my heart is fragile it doesn’t want to hear those ten painful words;

“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you!”

I need to sort myself out, I know I have to change, I know I need get a grip, before she finally takes that step beyond my horizon, time is slowly running out, the longer I wait the harder the consequences will be.

What is it I need to do? Why I am in this hole? Why is my world dark? Why are my thoughts trapped by my need to be me?

How can I change? What can I change?

I know I must do something, it has to start sooner rather than later, the New Year creeps slowly into this lone soul’s view, I need a resolution, to wake up tomorrow a new man, to rid myself of the depressive existence I’ve fallen into.

It’s time to cut down my drinking, trim the fat of this tired old body, become who I used to be, the man that was once loved. That’s my resolution, that’s what I’m going to do, I can do it, I’m going to fight, it’s time to give chase.

I’ll finish this night with a drink, after all tomorrow will be a new start, a new chance for me to get things back on track.

New Year’s day rises with a winter sun, the first morning of the New Year passes and slowly the beast within rises, it’s thirsty and it needs to be tamed. Now it’s time to fight, I made that resolution as the bells rang out, it’s time to put the beast back into it’s cage, time to throw away the twisted key and get on with my life.

It’s a test of strength, a time to shine, with just twelve hours of this resolution elapsed, it’s time to prove my worth, time to fight the beast and rescue the fair maiden.

I stand my ground, I fight with all my will, but I am weak, I need help, fast. I turn to find the tools with which to fight, I look around the confines of this tiny life, please I need help, I need armour, I need a weapon, I reach out, I grasp for all I can find, it doesn’t matter what, anything will do, anything.

Anything but that, anything but what I find, the beast changes the game plan, sabotage, I look to my hands, their grasping tightly, I don’t want it, but I can’t fight it anymore, the thirteenth hour approaches, I’m dead already!

My weakness has won out, the beast has triumphantly risen, I reached out in my solitude and found only one thing that would tame the beast within, I wouldn’t last long, it’s just a temporary measure, before the beast is thirsty and it rises once again.

This medication I can’t escape, the life source of the beast within, I can’t control it, I’m still lost, the beast has me pinned down and my love closes in on the horizon ahead, she’ll be gone soon, with her will go the sunlight and the darkness will consume me, it won’t be long, it will be over.

How long now before it’s over, hours, days maybe months but time is running out, soon my life will come crashing to a halt, the beast will have won and I will have lost everything I once loved and cherished.

Just thirteen hours the resolution held, the fight is over. I will crawl slowly towards the horizon, I will give chase with all I have left, but my heart is turning black, the shadow of the beast hangs over it, consumed, dying.

I hold out for ten more weeks until she takes that last step, then she finally disappears over the horizon and out of my view, I hear her call back to me, the echo of those ten words hitting my heart like a poisoned dagger.

“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you!”

It’s all over now, I don’t want to keep fighting anymore, I want to end it all in darkness, I’ve done with life. But the poison dagger has infused the blood, the beast rises, celebrating victory with reckless abandon, until I look for the way out, to pick up a blade to put an end to us both forever.

But a light flickers, I feel a new presence, the game is changing, I’m no longer alone, someone I can’t see is tenderly holding my wrists and whispered words on a divine breeze float into my heart, these words are strong from a source I don’t understand, they meet the beast head on, take up the fight on my behalf.

My eyes are seeing that which no one can see, my heart reaching for a new life within the light, the light ceases to flicker, it floods all I am, bringing with it a new strength. With this light as my strength I start to fight back, the beast has to be silenced, with a new will and hope I put up one final battle.

With the light in my heart the beast is defeated, it is finally locked deep within. I see a long journey ahead of me now, a long path I must walk, I may be too far behind to recapture the love I’ve let slip away, but I’ll keep walking towards the horizon, no matter what I find, I will trust in the light.

Brokenness has brought me to my knees
Face to face with all that’s dark in me
I can barely see You through my shame
Jesus come and wash me white again
Flood me with Your healing light
Help me choose what’s true and right
(Undivided Heart by Vicky Beeching)

My Rollercoaster Seven Days

It’s the end of what has been the most incredible seven days, seven days that started with freedom, through days of self-doubt and ending with the realisation that I am ready and available for the great things that are to happen in my life.

Last weekend was just amazing, starting with Friday night, where I got the opportunity to let out the deepest secrets of my “lost years” and finally find some inner peace, these “hot coals” that were burning my insides have now been extinguished, those chains of my former self have now been broken, I am close to total freedom, close to flying with the eagles above.

The whole weekend was an incredible experience with great people and a great venue. I learnt so much over the weekend, so much to help on my journey through life and my spiritual journey.

The only draw back to the whole weekend was the bruised rib I picked up from the five-a-side football, still not sure how someone standing 6ft 8in can elbow someone 5ft 4½in in the rib!

Sunday morning in Church was fantastic, my moment on stage went well and was extremely positive, I felt lifted. I realised over this weekend that the only chains left holding me down now were my own character flaws, my introvert self, to break these chains I’ve got to move out of my Clark Kent clothing and start living in the Superman outfit, bring the two parts of my life together, as previously discussed in “Am I Clark Kent or Superman”, the everyday me needs to be more like the karate instructor me, I’ve got to start lifting myself out from behind the shyness.

Monday brought all these thoughts back to reality, I experienced massive self-doubt, I found myself walking both Monday and Tuesday morning and crying out to God, as I didn’t feel ready to deal with a situation that arose on Sunday afternoon, a situation the Lord had clearly prepared me for and I thought at the time I handled well. But this morning the reality of the situation hit and I sunk back in to my doubting self, I didn’t know how to handle it, I didn’t think I could see it through, I needed guidance, I cried out and I got the answer’s I needed, answers that were not what I expected, but I followed them and they led me to very people to help me deal with what was happening to me.

“Do not look into your own mind to ask yourself if you are ready,
look in to your heart and ask the Lord if he thinks you are ready,
you may get an answer you never expected”.

Having spoken those words at Church on Sunday and posted them on this blog later that day, I now stumbled badly on them, I was looking into the limitations of my own mind for answers and telling myself I wasn’t ready to handle this, but once again that didn’t matter I was clearly being told I was, my God thought I was ready for this, so why am I still doubting?

This is my natural self, the shy, doubting, non-believer, the boy who hid behind his parents when they greeted friends in the street, I’ve never grew out of this shy persona, I just put on a suit and become someone else until the time came to take it off. But those who I have spoken with about my experiences this week believe I’m ready too, they have seen me grow over the last few months, if they believe I’m ready and my God believes I’m ready, then it’s time to believe in myself, time for me to believe that I really am ready.

I started to break those chains Sunday, I took a few well guided swings at the chains, then I stumbled and dropped the axe, but with the support and assurances from those around me, I’ve picked up that axe, I am going to smash these last chains that hold me back, that keep me grounded, that stop me flying with eagles, I will break free from myself, I will follow my path and strive to achieve my potential.

It’s time to move outside our comfort zone
To see beyond our churches and our homes
To change the way we think and how we spend
Until we look like Jesus again
(Break Our Hearts by Vicky Beeching)

I am ready and available for the whatever the Lord has in store for me, I am not going to shy away, I may still need guidance to handle the situations that come my way, but I won’t be crying out I’m not ready anymore, help me, yes, but I’m not ready, never again.

Traumatising Rabbits

I’ve stated before my love for both music and walking, every morning I get up at 5.30am, put on some great music and just walk, I love it, it sets up my day and gives me balance.

Sunday morning I get up even earlier, I get up at 5.00am, no Sunday morning lay in for me anymore, Sunday is my most important day now. So Sundays start at 5.00am, I get up walk up the biggest hill in town, as I do every morning, then back down the hill and along an old train track, which is now a cycle track.

The whole journey is about 13 miles and takes just under 3 hours at my speed, so I can get a good walk in, get back home, have some breakfast and a bath, then get ready for Church.

It doesn’t matter where I walk, I’ve always got my music on, the great thing about that time of day is that there is rarely anybody else about, especially on the cycle track, so I’m free, I’ve got the whole place to myself to enjoy the sunrise and the beautiful Sunday morning.

The cycle track has an abundance of wild life, mainly birds and rabbits. The rabbits, literally hundreds of them, scamper around before me as walk, diving across the track, in and out of their burrows either side of the tarmac walkway.

But I can get a bit carried away, when a particularly powerful song comes on I just have to sing along, wave my arms around in a kind of freaky dance, I just let go, nobody can see me, apart from the rabbits! “Deliverer” by Vicky Beeching is a one of my favourite songs to walk and sing along to, it’s a great worship song for a Sunday morning walk, although the rabbits don’t seem to appreciate my version.

Deliverer come set me free
Break every chain holding me
Deliverer come have Your way
I surrender to Your rule and reign
(Deliverer by Vicky Beeching)

You know what it is like when you’ve got ear phones on, you tend to talk alot louder than usual as you try to hear yourself over the music in your ears, well singing is no different, I sing loud just so I can hear myself. But as I do this the rabbits stop and stare at the weird site approaching them, before turning tail and running away. I can see that real look of a scared rabbit, as if caught in the headlights of an on coming car.

Traumatised rabbits, the legacy of my Sunday morning walk.

I’m so sorry my furry little friends, I mean you no harm, I just can’t help myself, I know my singing is absolutely atrocious and I know it’s early on a Sunday morning, but I promise I will try to be a little more considerate in the future.