Washed By The Water

Over the last few days I’ve written a few times about my fears and thoughts on the vision that I witnessed back in October.

There have been a few things this week that have helped to calm this fear, together with a number of other things this week that I’ve managed to get under control.

But this morning I had one of those moments which put my mind at complete rest. Once more it was in the form of a song that I’ve heard dozens of times, but this morning the song rang out with words which spoke to me in my current predicament.

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

There have been so many times I’ve been spoken to via my music, not just since I found God, but before also, but this morning this song did just what I needed it to do.

WASHED BY THE WATER by NEEDTOBREATHE
Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin’ to make the world a little better you know, shine a light

People started talking
Just to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My father never failed

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love, turn around and crucify me
I won’t never ever let you down
I won’t fall
I won’t fall
I won’t fall as long as You’re around me

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Finding Calm Waters

It’s fair to say that 2013 was certainly a rocky year for me, the path I walked wasn’t easy at all.  There were times when everything seemed to be going fine, but there were definitely other times which hit me hard.

The year certainly drew to an end with a state of confusion, falling into a depression was something I certainly wasn’t expecting and something I certainly failed to cope with.  I struggled with myself, I just didn’t know what was happening or indeed at times who I was.

There were times when I just didn’t want to wake up in the morning, I would lie in bed just wanted to die, I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I certainly didn’t feel myself, I felt I was letting everyone down, all those who I helped me through all the other trials.  I can safely say that despite everything I’ve been through in the last four years, the struggles that led to my drinking problem, the contemplations of suicide, the devastation of the end of my relationship with Victoria and the pain of withdrawals, they were all hard, but this was the lowest I have ever felt and certainly something I really don’t want to go through again.

I kept going to Church, even though I was an empty shell, I couldn’t lift myself to sing or worship, I just hung at the back with my head in my hands, hiding in the shadows.  I all the while trying my best not to break down, in the end it was too much and I just cried when anyone spoke to me, as I say tough times.

Although I started to feel better as December came around, I can say that today was the first time I can say I really let go at Worship, the first time I felt free to sing from the heart.

As I walked home I remembered the two visions I had way back in October, just before it all started, the first one coming on a Sunday, where I saw myself washed away by a rush of water, I tried to get back up and walk on again, but the water washed me away once more.  But the vision I had forgot about until this afternoon was the one that followed that three days later, in that vision I simply saw calm water, an expanse of still waters.  For the first time this afternoon I felt like that I may have found those still waters, that despite everything that surrounds me I have found a peace in my heart for the first time in a long time, in fact at the end of worship this afternoon I felt the happiest and most content that I have in a long time, I had the definite feeling that everything is going to be alright.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10

I know that I still have little things to work on, things to sort out, but as I say I feel good at the moment, I have a feeling it’s going to be a good year!

WASHED BY THE WATER by NEEDTOBREATHE
Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin’ to make the world a little better you know, shine a light

People started talking
Just to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My father never failed

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love, turn around and crucify me
I won’t never ever let you down
I won’t fall
I won’t fall
I won’t fall as long as You’re around me

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
‘Cause even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water
Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts risin’
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water