Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
When it was mentioned in our meeting last night, that God has forgotten all our past sins, I felt a great weight lifted from my chest, like that shadows that laid heavy on my heart had been taken away.
WE MUST REMEMBER by JEREMY CAMP We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore We must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
You are the God that bore our shame You are the taker of our pain And we know that You are, yes You are The one true life we need
You are the pure and spotless Lamb You are the only Great I Am And we know that You are, yes You are The God of the redeemed
And we must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all Once and for all
The power of Your blood is all that we need You laid down Your life and the captives were free The veil was torn and there was victory
We must remember, we must remember That You’ve forgotten, yes You’ve forgotten We must remember, there is victory There is victory There is victory There is victory
We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
Night’s like these are when I have to fight the beast inside, where the old me would be reaching straight for a bottle or a handful of cans, I hate these nights.
For the second night running I’ve come home from work completely frustrated and angry. It’s been a hard couple of weeks at work, it always is around stock take time as a lot of the work falls into my remit, it just seems more so this year.
I just feel like I’m working alone at the moment, I running around trying to get everything done within the deadlines, as well as trying to manage my normal workload, whilst everyone else just stands around watching, no one offers to help out, I’m just left to do everything whilst they stand around chatting, waiting for customers.
Maybe it’s just me, I’m not one to just approach people for help, it’s my job so I just get on with it, it’s just so frustrating, but it should be all done tomorrow and next week back to the normal workload.
The problem is, in the past when I went home angry and frustrated, the first place I would go, quite often before even going home, would be the shop around the corner, buy some alcohol, usually a couple of bottles of wine and a handful of cans, just so as soon as I got in I could start drinking and dealing with the problem in my own special way, to escape it all.
So on nights like this, there is a part of me that just wants to go and do that, a small voice from within reminds me of how I used to deal with these things. This all makes dealing with things harder, it’s just another thing to get over, it just adds to all the frustration.
So how do I deal with it now, I walk home and try to put myself in a different place, think of everything I’ve achieved so far and how I got where I am, obviously praying for the same guidance and strength I have received from the beginning. Then when I get home, I have my tea and sleep it all off for an hour or so.
Last night was fine, because I was out at with my Connect Group for a social night, which as always is fun and takes my mind of the problem at least for a few hours. Tonight it get’s a little tougher as I am at home, I do have some architectural work to do, but I’m in no rush to do that, especially after a hard few days and also because I’ve still not been paid for the last 10 months work, it will get done when I’m ready and in the mood.
I guess the good thing about Thursday’s is that every Thursday is a another week of sobriety, it’s 127 weeks this evening, which as always spurs me on.
WE MUST REMEMBER by JEREMY CAMP We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore We must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
You are the God that bore our shame You are the taker of our pain And we know that You are, yes You are The one true life we need
You are the pure and spotless Lamb You are the only Great I Am And we know that You are, yes You are The God of the redeemed
And we must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all Once and for all
The power of Your blood is all that we need You laid down Your life and the captives were free The veil was torn and there was victory
We must remember, we must remember That You’ve forgotten, yes You’ve forgotten We must remember, there is victory There is victory There is victory There is victory
We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
Even though yesterday evening I found myself in a dark place once again, the day actually started off really well, the sunrise at the lake as I walked to work was one of the best I’ve seen in some time, I only just made it to work on time, I could have stayed there oblivious to the rest of the world.
Burning Glow
Birds Of Fire
Morning Shades
Orange Morning
Fire Trees
Deep Glow
Fire Flight
In The Beyond
Morning Swimming
Waters Glow
Rise Beyond
Breaking Through
Thankfully with the help of my Church Connect Group the evening ended with light breaking through the darkness.
WE MUST REMEMBER by JEREMY CAMP We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore We must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
You are the God that bore our shame You are the taker of our pain And we know that You are, yes You are The one true life we need
You are the pure and spotless Lamb You are the only Great I Am And we know that You are, yes You are The God of the redeemed
And we must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all Once and for all
The power of Your blood is all that we need You laid down Your life and the captives were free The veil was torn and there was victory
We must remember, we must remember That You’ve forgotten, yes You’ve forgotten We must remember, there is victory There is victory There is victory There is victory
We must remember That You have forgotten And You don’t remember our sins anymore And we must remember That You have forgotten And You, You died once and for all
