Tag Archives: Wine

Time To Shine!

Okay, so today didn’t start exactly as planned, everything seemed alright, until I got ready for work after a shower, in fact it was going well, but then my watch strap snapped!

So not a big deal in the scheme of things in all honesty, but I do feel a little naked without my watch on.  I always keep it a few minutes fast.  The hands all always five minutes fast and the digital time about two minutes fast!

Why?

So I don’t like being late!  As someone who has managed to get to the age of 40 without ever getting behind a wheel and learning to drive (although I can now drive a folklift truck), I’ve never even applied for a driving license or taken a lesson, but that’s another story.  But walking everywhere can take longer than expected, it’s not so bad on journeys I do often, I know exactly what time I can walk it in, but other times I’ve no idea.

So if I’m in a rush and I glance at my watch, my mind just sees the time and I speed up, I still get there early if I arrive on time according to my watch.  I know, it’s a bit weird, but makes perfect sense to my crazy mind!

So all day at work I’ve not had a clue what time it was, all the computers have random times on the screens, we reset them, but they always end up at a random time.  The amount of times I’ve glanced at my wrist today, just to see nothing!  I’ve been a little lost!

So this morning as I walked to work, I had a reminder that I could easily sort this out without resorting to buying a new watch, that I really can’t afford at the moment!  There is another watch, exactly the same as mine, with a perfect strap, even the watch is working, I could just use that one, easy, problem solved!

But then another part of my mind sprung into action and yelled “NO WAY!!!” 

You see this watch was carefully placed in a box on Sunday 25th March 2012, 772 days ago, just four days before I quit drinking!

The Box

The Box

This box formed a major step in starting my recovery, on that I day I placed in that box everything that tied me to the wine drinking slob that lived in my skin for a while, that watch was one of those things.  The strap stunk of stale alcohol, like many of the things placed in that box, I purchased a watch exactly the same that very day and placed the old one, that was part of a life I wanted to put behind me, in that box with the rest of my old life.

So this morning I was faced with the choice, do I revisit that box and that old life to reclaim part of those memories for inclusion with the life I lead now or do I leave that gathering dust where it is and go without for a while, until the opportunity to replace it comes along.

It was fairly simple really, despite feeling that little bit lost without a watch, I’ll get by, I don’t need to visit a part of me that is no longer living, I have been living a new life since that box has been in the cellar gathering dust and grime.

I don’t need anything covered with dust and dirt, I’VE BEEN CALLED TO SHINE!!!

SHINE ON by NEEDTOBREATHE
Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There’s a fire burning brightly
That’s found it’s way to dim
When the feeling’s gone…

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you’re not alone

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead

Shine on shine on shine on shine on won’t you won’t you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new
It’s long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other’s see you’ve got your victory
Will you remember me

Somewhere between the end and the point where we began

Smashing Bottles

Daily Prompt: Michelangelo’s YOU
(Your personal sculptor is carving a person, thing, or event from the last month of your life into the glistening marble of immortality. What’s the statue and what makes it so significant?)

I guess if there is one significant event from the last month that I would have immortalised in sculpture, it would have to be the events recounted in my post Verses In A Bottle, it’s not just a significant moment from this last month, but a significant moment from my journey which started back in March last year, joining a long list of events that I believe has seen me grow, from a guy who had lost control of his life in a world of alcohol addiction, to someone fighting hard to get his life back and day by day gradually getting there.

Starting with the evening at Connect Group the night before, where a simple bottle of fruit juice had me freaked out.  It’s hard to explain exactly why, unless you’ve been in my shoes, but this bottle looked almost exactly like the wine bottles which brought me to my knees in desperation. I know there was no wine or alcohol in view and that my friends wouldn’t have brought in anything like that without consulting me first, it was after all just fruit juice, but the design of the bottle, the label and even the colour, resembled my drink of choice, the one that brought out the worst in me, the one drink I craved when everything around me was going wrong, the one I would find myself scratching at my arms and pacing the house mumbling to myself until I satisfied the urge. Even though I hadn’t tasted any wine or brought any into the house since the day before I met with Gareth, this bottle seemed to be calling out to me. I just wanted to remove it from view, but the idea of that sounded so stupid in my head, I just tried to get on with the evening, granted in an extremely distracted way, I have spoken about this with the others at the group and they fully understand my reaction, even though they didn’t actually realise what was going on and how it should affect me like that, but to be honest I guess I really knew they would be okay with it, but at the time I couldn’t get my head straight and it just didn’t seem to be a very logical reaction.

But this actually wasn’t the first time a bottle of juice like this had brought back bad memories of my addiction. Back in November last year I purchased two bottles of juice, two exactly like this one, they were innocent enough, just fruit juice nothing else, but when I got them home and to my door, the two bottles banged together in the bottle of the bag, okay glass bottles do that kind of thing, but when your past has seen you sneak your alcohol into the house, in a vain attempt to hide how much and what you were drinking, when a noise like this put you on the defensive and had you rushing to get into the house quietly to hide the bottles as quickly as possible, well that’s what happened, I went into a panic, rushed into the house and found myself hiding the two bottles of fruit juice down the side of the settee, just like the old me who sought to hide his wine!

So this bottle invoked bad memories of the worst of me, it sat there haunting me. So the next morning inspired by a tweet from Lynwen, I decided to do something proactive.

Knowing there were still empty wine bottles in my cellar, I ventured down there and fetched them from amongst all the other forgotten rubbish, I then picked out 12 bibles verses about addiction, carefully wrote each one of them out and put one in each bottle, then took the bottles into town for recycling.

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Over the last couple of weeks since that day, I have revisited my post about that event on numerous occasions, specifically to read the twelve verses, I read them all, but I do have a favourite:

“But those who wait for the Lord’s help find renewed strength; they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings, they run without growing weary, they walk without getting tired.”
(Isaiah 40:31)

So my personal sculptor, what would I want him to create, simply a sculpture of shards of smashed bottles, with each piece of glass, big or small, etched or embossed with one of those twelve verses.

So when look at another bottle of wine or anything that resembles one, I can visualise it as a piece of smashed glass with a bible verse written upon it, then I be comfortable knowing I have victory over it, by the freedom I have in Christ.

HE IS FAITHFUL by JESUS CULTURE
I have heard a sound coming on the wind
Changing hearts and mind, healing brokenness
I feel a generation breaking through despair
I hear a generation full of faith, declare

And our song it will be 
Out of the darkness we will rise and sing

He is faithful, He is glorious
He is Jesus, all my hope is in Him
He is freedom, He is healing right now
He is hope and joy, love and peace and life

I have seen a light like the break of dawn
Giving blind men sight and letting lame men walk
I see a generation with resurrection life
We are a generation filled with the power of Christ

He has paid the highest price
He has proven His great love for us
We will praise Him with our lives
And proclaim our love for Him